Why do children have to suffer when it’s the parent who married the wrong person? Why can’t I have my own life and my own happy family? Why can’t I get married without feeling guilty?
My mom has been dropping the bomb every now and then saying things like she will be alone in future after my siblings and I get married, nobody to care for her etc, while not putting in any effort in her own marriage.
I have been her part time husband since young, accompanying her everywhere in the absence of my dad, and I grew up wondering WHY do children have to be the ones who suffer when it’s the parents marriage that failed. And it’s not even like my parents are divorced, they are just not putting in any effort to even communicate properly with each other. It’s frustrating.
My siblings and I even have to be the ones passing messages between them at times. Cant they just talk properly???
Why is it that you don’t have a happy marriage and you want to stop us from having ours? Cant you let us get married without feeling guilty for being unable to spend as much time with you? Why???? Why would people be unhappy and choose to pass on that unhappiness to their loved ones?
Am I wrong for feeling this way? I am sure I won’t be a parent who wants my children to be unhappy if I am unhappy so I don’t understand why would my parents be like that?
Here are what netizens think:
- No, you’re not wrong in feeling this way. You are not obligated to fix or make either of your parents happy in their marriage. Having said this, you are still their child and you still have a responsibility towards them. Make them happy by treating them well, visiting them often after you’re married, taking care of their well-being, etc. Especially towards your mum. Most of the time she may not realise her words are guilt tripping you. She’s probably just really lonely and sad…she has lots of bottled up feelings and no one to express it to but her children. Deep down, like every woman, she just wants to be loved and cared for and guess what? She deserves all that and more.. the years of sacrifice as a mother is unimaginable… So though her words might annoy you for the most part, be patient with her and constantly reassure her that you’ll be there for her…
- It seems some mothers are the ones who engaged in emotional blackmail and causing a gulf between child and father. You need to tell her nicely to live her own life and no longer use you as a crutch. You will still visit her but now she has to live her own life and you yours. Watch out so that she don’t sabotage your relationship.
- Your parent problems are not your problems. Both their expectation and ego could have caused their communication breakdown. Stay away from their problem and choose the life you want to lead and don’t let their problems affect your life. Be happy.
- You are past of the problem. When one gets support elsewhere, one becomes even more reluctant to make it work. Tell her you have a life elsewhere. If she complains, tell her it’s time she reconciles.