Colleague took advatage of me while I was drunk and infected me with an incurable std, I am traumatized and he is getting away with it..
I am a 25-year-old female who grew up as an ugly outcast. Never kissed or been on a proper date, partly due to lack of interest from guys but also due to being afraid of infections also until the age of 21-22 I didn’t even have the desire to have anything romantic with anyone.
I don’t drink alcohol or go to parties, never been drunk. I felt like I was missing out because I didn’t experience partying and I was lonely because I haven’t had friends since secondary and JC.
From the age of 18 I was trying to improve my looks, went to the gym/for running almost every day etc. Guys started to show interest in me, some asked me out but they were usually much older than me.
This is my first proper job after graduating from university and we were having a big company event at 8th July. I always had a hard time making friends partly due to being akward+ugly so I spent a lot of money on trying to look good at this event. I lost 6 kg, got a tan, bought new clothes and makeup, got a lash lift and got blonde highlights etc.
So as I mentioned I tried to look my best and act friendly. I said ‘hi’ to a girl who was previously nice to me but she ignored me.
I thought maybe she just couldn’t hear me so later I asked her something, she looked at me then without saying anything she looked another direction and kept walking like I wasn’t there.
There was another girl who talked to me which was strange because she was the prettiest girl at the company and I knew she was annoyed by me, she was nice but I knew she hated the fact that she had to talk to me.
But this time she was very friendly. She kept saying that I should get more drinks and I was so happy because I felt like I was finally good enough for her, she complimented my hair etc.
She told me that there is usually an afterparty after the official company event and I should go. After the official event, I was left alone with a male colleague who also kept making me drink sometimes from his drink.
He suggested that we should go to bars just the 2 of us. I was very drunk at this point but so happy that finally, someone talked to me I haven’t had a proper conversation with someone in years. I told him that I feel like I will vomit but he kept saying that I should drink more. I started talking about my traumas like that my family didn’t love me and that they didn’t care when I didn’t even have money for food etc…
I was extremely confused at this point I don’t even remember what he was saying my things were falling out of my bag, I felt euphoric but extremely confused, I didn’t know where I was altought I knew the place because I lived close but my brain wasn’t working anymore I just did whatever he told me to do. At one point I remember him saying we should go to his place.
I don’t remember how we got to his apartment at all 0 memories, my next memory after he asked me to go to his place is standing at the door inside his apartment.
I barely have any memories after this.
I think he offered me a drink at his apartment too.
I suspect that he might have put something in the drink because after that my speech became very very slow and quiet (and later I ended up passing out.)
He mentioned to me earlier that he has some kind of meds maybe for anxiety.
He also knew that I was a virgin, he told me that it makes me a ‘hidden gem’ and that he doesn’t like girls who had a lot of partners.
He wanted to kiss me, I explicitly told him “I don’t have the desire to kiss”
He was upset and didn’t want to talk to me after this.
A few minutes (?) went by and he kissed me anyway. I didn’t resist physically and didn’t say anything.
It lasted only for 2 seconds.
Then I said explicitly “I don’t want to have S, I need more time”
He kept pushing and asking why I don’t want to have S.
I said “I don’t know” and started crying.
He hugged me and suggested that we should watch a movie.
A friend of his called him because he wanted to come over.
He also wanted me to take off my jeans because “it must be uncomfortable”.
I said it wasn’t and I didn’t take it off.
He said we should watch the movie from his bed and that I should take off my jeans on his bed, so I took it off.
At this point, I felt even worse and I was extremely confused my brain didn’t work at all.
I am not even sure about the timeline after this point.
I know that I puked 2 times. When I vomited the second time everything was black around me I barely understand what was happening. His friend arrived.
We were sitting at his bed and were watching something I don’t know what because my brain couldn’t process what I was looking at. It could have been a black screen I wouldn’t know.
He said that we should have S. I couldn’t talk or move at this point my brain didn’t work at all. I saw his friend coming towards us he wanted to join us. I started crying and looked his friend in the eyes.
I think I was very frightened but I didn’t have the capacity to even process what was happening and how I felt. When I looked at his friend and he saw that I was crying he slowly turned back and went back downstairs.
Then he said, “Don’t I at least get a kiss?”. I didn’t resist, he kissed me again.
Then I passed out for about 6 hours.
I have no idea what happened in those 6 hours.
I woke up and went to the bathroom immediately then tried to leave but he made me stay for 4 more hours. He kept trying to grab my thighs and butt I kept trying to move away from him. Then I finally left at noon.
I was still very confused and acted very strange like I was still drunk or under the influence of some kind of drug. I wanted to talk to everyone and almost got hit by a car.
When I got home it started to occur to me that I might have been assaulted I still couldn’t fully process what just happened.
Only thing I noticed was that I had a burning sensation at the opening of the vagina and it looked a bit swollen and different from how it usually looks (I usually can’t see the vagina opening but now I could clearly see it.)
But I didn’t have any pain or visible injury.
After waking up at his place I remember having some thoughts but not towards him but about other people which is very unusual because I rarely have any dirty thought maybe due to hormonal problems, I don’t even have a period.
When I asked what happened he didn’t want to talk about it.
The popular girl who invited me to the after-party asked 2 days after the event if I was ok, but I feel like I can’t trust her anymore…I don’t know if I should tell hr what happened I don’t have proof.
If I tell anyone he might not talk to me and I will never know what happened because he and probably his friend are the only people who know…
I got an std test and it turned out that he infected me with hsv1 (herpes virus) which is incurable and the igg antibodies were basically non-existent only IgM was high so it is a new infection.
The whole incident was extremely traumatizing to me I couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks and gained 7 kg in the last 3-4 weeks…I contacted organisations that help assault women they recommended me a lawyer.
I can’t get over not knowing what happened to me and can’t get over the fact that I am infected with an incurable std, I don’t know what to do.I already wasted so much time instead of enjoying the summer and paid so much money for tests, medication (pep) etc, got fat, and couldn’t work.
but I just can’t move on without knowing what happened and I can’t accept getting herpes from a kiss I didn’t even want or enjoy that lasted like 2 seconds…