PRC MOTHER FORCES DAUGHTER TO MARRY MAN, CAUSE SUSPECT THEY HAD ‘S’

So, I am a 26F. I came to SG from China when I was 19. I have a neurotic, always-gaslighting mother who is also extremely devoted and sacrificing.

At the age of 61, she works a day job and a night job to pay for my tuition, and she gave up an expensive cancer medicine to pay for my international student tuition. She lives in such bad conditions in China, but she even managed to send me more money every year, even though I don’t need them.

However, over the years I realized that there’s toxicity in my relationship with my mom. For example, she demanded me to kneel down and apologize for a 20/1000 (ranked 20 in 1000+ students) grade when I was in school. She threw all my non-school related books away, and broke my room door when I locked it. She frequently used verbal bully, tears to get in her way.

I never realized that I was able to be controlled by my mother so easily until after my marriage, as I had time to buy some real books and read them these years. But essentially, when I was 24, my mom talked me into marrying this guy who was back then my boyfriend. Now there’s nothing wrong with this man, my husband. I am very fond of him and he was and is still very kind and loving to me.

However, my mom later, by accident, explained to me that the reason she persuaded me to marriage 2 years ago, was because A-She wanted me to marry before 25 because she believed that’s good. B-She was suspecting I was having S with my then-boyfriend, and that was not acceptable before marriage for her. She never thought, even in a slightest bit, whether I was prepared to marry, and whether I have prepared to take its risks.

Looking back I’m feeling that I decided to marry them just to make my mom happy. Realizing this makes me so sick, ashamed, and angry about myself. I feel that I’m the a revolting bootlicker to my mom. I wanted to get out of this. I brought this to my mom. She showed no empathy or regret. She just laughed. She even answered to me: now is time for me to have kids, so that I can stop thinking so much.

Although my husband is so good and kind to me, I just feel unprepared and frightened. I don’t think I’m ready for marriage, and god forbids- to be honest, I’m not sure if my husband is truly the one for me. However, I will never forgive myself for breaking his heart – I’m already feeling so horrible for having this thought.

Is divorce un-ethical if you have such a wonderful husband who has done everything they could, do all the house chores, and care about you so much?