I’ve been married for almost 2 years and I am unsure if I am genuinely happy. Anger management and ego are already huge issues. Contradicting, gaslighting and controlling are another. Most of the time, I questioned myself if my husband truly loves me or he stay for status?
Before marrying him, he already created problem which was cheating. He became aggressive and hit me when I broke up with him but as weeks passed, I was too dumb to accept him back . Our marriage was also kind of forced by parents.
Early days was still smooth until a month later as I get to know I was pregnant, he acted suspicous . He was looking at obscene contents of other girls and commented on them . I knew I shouldn’t have believe him from the start. I told him not to create nuisance anymore because he was going to be a dad.
It kept happening when he told me he already stopped.I got insecure and asked myself about my worth. We usually argue about that till he physically strangle me and kick me in the stomach.
That day I thought we would divorce and I wished we did but I think man has power in marriage? I felt so disappointed in my dad too as he “stopped” us from fighting but did nothing. He tried to advice me to treat my husband well.
After giving birth to our child, my husband was already yelling at me. He assumed I couldn’t handle our son at all just because he had experience with one for few months. Yep he had one with his ex but they didn’t last. Now i see why the ex don’t want him lol.
Anyways, my husband was nice and showed that he cares about me and our son in front of family and friends. Behind their back, he was a complete different person. He barely help me with our son. When I asked him to take turn as I need break, he went against me and brought up about unneccessary things in the argument. It continues even until we moved in our own house. In fact, it got worse. We had more constant arguments and financial was one of the issues.
I got retrenched from company due to my commitment as I couldn’t find caregiver for my son. My husband told me from middle of pregnancy that I don’t have to work after maternity leave. He said he can support the family but as soon as I became full time SAHM, he complained a lot.
He kept saying ” You don’t pay for anything? Can you give me money? No right? So fk off” Yes I don’t but why was he being a jerk? I endure to look after his own son,cook and do house chores 24/7 but that’s what I get? Back when I was working, I still did everything though.
On the days I want to meet my sister or friends without him, I asked his permission and he was okay with it. As soon as I was with them, my husband texted/called me often. If I responded late or not updating him at all, he gets angry and accussed me of having an affair. He probably afraid I tell them about what he has done to me.
Long story short, it never ends . Our arguments were usually verbal and us slamming doors but when it gets heated, physical action took place. I would do anything to defend myself but at times, I can say I was wrong too? I don’t want our son to be in the middle of our argument. I am afraid one day he will lay hand on our son just because he is angry at other things.
Recently, he was already punching my face while I carried our son. I don’t know how I can work things out with him. I tried having pillow talks but he always avoid. When I told him I can’t do it anymore, he kept saying he will change for better.
He told me if we divorce, he won’t have time for our son anymore. He said a lot of crap when he was angry but then, how can he act like nothing happened between us? For me, till this day, I feel like I have failed and about to lose myself. I lost love and major respect on my husband so what should I do?