The “Open” Marriage Cannot Open
I [32M] and my wife Trisha [37F] have been together for quite some time already. Last time, we both agreed to have an open marriage—actually, she was the one who suggested it first. Me? I’ve been loving it, honestly. I have my own set of “house rules” to keep things purely physical: always use protection, no kissing on the lips, and no extra “service” like eating them out. Just do my business, then chut (leave) immediately. No drama, no strings.
I’m not trying to hao lian (boast) or what, but I’m a solid eight, maybe even a ten on a good day. Getting girls is not a problem for me at all. We used to go Zouk or Marquee together, pick up some chix, and bring them back for a “group project.” It was damn fun, no lie.
But recently, the vibe change already.
I’ve been seeing this one particular girl quite often—Trisha knows about her—and the chemistry is top-tier. But because I’m so “satisfied” outside, I haven’t really been sleeping with Trisha. Then suddenly, Trisha start to pattern more than badminton. She told me she doesn’t want me seeing that girl anymore, even if we do it together as a trio. Then she dropped the bombshell: she said she doesn’t want me to sleep with any other women anymore. She wants me to just sit there and watch her do her thing.
I was like, “Hello? You siao (crazy) is it?”
She get to have all the fun while I sit there like one bodyguard? Watching doesn’t do anything for me, it just makes me pek cek (frustrated) and angry. So now, every time she brings someone back to do the deed, I don’t want to stay and watch like some fanboy. I just grab my keys and go my friend’s house to play mahjong or cards for a few hours.
Now the house atmosphere is damn jialat. She started picking fights, saying I’m not attracted to her anymore. She even start drama saying I don’t want to have children with her because I stopped “servicing” her at home.
She’s the one who changed the rules halfway, now she want to play the victim? I feel like I’m stuck in a corner. If I stay and watch, I’m miserable. If I go out, she say I don’t love her. Like that how to win?
Why this situation is “Sian”:
Projection: She’s feeling insecure because you found someone you really like, so she’s using the “kids” and “attraction” card to guilt-trip you.
Moving the Goalposts: She wanted the open marriage, but now she’s trying to “soft-close” your side while keeping hers wide open.
The Watcher Trap: Expecting a partner to be a “voyeur” when they didn’t sign up for that fetish is a recipe for resentment.