For the entirety of 2023, I (25F) have only slept with my fiance (32M) 3 times.
Our life in the bedroom has been going downhill and lately I’ve just stopped trying to make it better. We’ve been together for 3 years and we go along great. But in bed, we’re really incompatible.
It was great the first 6 months. Then I don’t know what happened, he just stopped wanting to sleep with me. I fought with him a lot the first two years, threw tantrums, begged to see a therapist, cried, but it only made things worse.
So I just stopped trying. I stopped initiating. Stopped dressing nicely to avoid getting disappointed. I just put all my focus on my studies and work.
I feel the relationship ending. I think it went south the moment I stopped trying. And the problem is that now I feel guilty for stopping.
Maybe if I actually made an effort this year things would have been different? Maybe if I took care of myself (hair, etc) more we would have gotten intimate a little more? Maybe I could have saved this relationship and maybe this is all my fault..
The thing is, I don’t want to be married to someone who only wants me if I’m 100% perfect. Because I know after having kids it will be impossible to be 100% perfect all the time.
My hair will be messy, I will go weeks without shaving, etc. Is it unrealistic to expect my man to still want me even if I look “sloppy”/messy?
Am I having unrealistic expectations from my future partner and should just take my current fiancé as he is? And settle for physical intimacy less than 10 times a year?
I feel lost. I don’t want to break off the engagement. But I feel like we’re both wasting our times..