Wondering if my bf actually wants to be with me.
First-year of dating was promised marriage, it did not happen and I was given excuses such as a lack of financial stability, our young age and according to him, 1 year is too short of a time for him to make a decision.
Second-year of dating, we had quite a few talks and sometimes arguments about the same issue, I managed to get him to promise a ring, nothing fancy, just a simple ring and ROM, so as to save the money for a grand wedding that does not need to happen now when he is still not yet financially stable, maybe years later?
Just for some background, the initial idea was to have a fancy wedding with him proposing to me with the rings being delivered by some cute dogs, but I have expressively told him that I am willing to lower my standards to a simple proposal and ROM.
Fast forward to the beginning of this year, nothing happened, no proposal, nothing, he seems to be avoiding the topic. I really want to keep this relationship going, I am happy with him, but I cannot help but feel that he just keeping me around as an option at this point of time.
I have been keeping quiet about this and hoping that he actually does something, but nothing, no wedding talks, everything that happens is just everyday life, no plans for the future being talked about, he seemingly seems to be trying to keep me distracted with games and stating that he is busy with work.
What does this mean guys? Are guys all so indecisive about the woman they want to be with? Does he not realize that he has broken a very important promise? Is the promise of marriage just something he is using to shut me up for some time? how do I make an ultimatum? At the same time, I really do not want to leave him, but this broken promise really makes me wonder if he really wants me, or is he just keeping me around as an option…
Here are what netizens think:
- I think most guys will be scare away if first year dating and you all already talking about marriage. Unless both of you all are like over 30 plus. From my point of view, i feel that he already not into you. Just that he still holding on cos he still can’t find someone else to replace you yet.
- Why are u in a hurry to marry. .marriage should not be forced. And now all the expectations of fanciful wants.Wait till the house, expenses n kids expenditure come.I see no end of arguments coming.
- You sound pushy and he doesn’t sound ready. 2 years of dating you talk as though you have been waiting for 10 years. You did not mention age so I can’t see what’s the rush to get married. Marriage is not the end you know? The real journey begins after marriage. He is wise to wait if he’s not ready.I don’t read anything very off about him from your posts. You spent too much time overthinking what kind of a future you want while he is still in the dating phrase. The mistake was to promise marriage very early in the beginning of the relationship. You were just getting to know each other as bf/gf and spoke based on your emotional state.Stop talking to him about what kind of wedding you want. That’s not the main point. Talk (not confront) about what kind of a life you want to have together 5,10 years down the road. If he can have a rough picture of his future and that includes you. That’s positive. If he can’t even imagine, it’s not a good sign.You also have to self reflect are you acting like a potential wife. Are you ready for the role? That’s different from wanting to hold a wedding.