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Friday, August 19, 2022
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DESPERATE GUY PUT HIS KUKUBIRD INSIDE VACUUM CLEANER

So yesterday, being lonely and desperate, I decided it was a brilliant idea to put my genitals into the vacuum cleaner to feel the suction.

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Attempt 1: I grabbed my vacuum cleaner & pulled down my pants… & realized the vacuum cleaner’s pipe was too narrow.

Attempt 2: I wasn’t defeated so easily. I knew I had to widen the diameter of the vacuum cleaner. So I grabbed an old coke can – cut off the end without an opening & attached it to the vacuum. The suction would conveniently hold it in place. There was only one problem, aluminium is very sharp and can cut me.

Attempt 3: Making aluminium less sharp is not an easy task. I tried wrapping it in a plastic bag, but bits of aluminium would still poke through eventually. I finally decided to cut a sock in half & form one of the holes around the can – while the rest of the sock went into the can… Seemed to work.

Result: While it did work as intended, the loud noises & the aluminium can crumbling around my manhood was enough to not get me satisfied. I was at it for a good 30 minutes I imagine, before I gave up – I didn’t want to disturb my neighbors too much.

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Rating: I would rate the vacuum a 3/10, it’s too loud & the suction isn’t that great when you attach a coke can with a stuffed sock inside. I did try various suction strengths, including the strongest setting – there wasn’t too much of a change in my experience, but it got pretty loud on the higher settings.

Editor’s note: Well, that sucks.

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