Ok I’m about to give you all a ton of red flags. So basically for context my ex and I were together for years and lived together and we had a pretty messy breakup where we have been on and off since.
He wasn’t totally loyal (but it was a grey area on loyalty like crossed my personal boundaries but maybe wouldn’t cross everyone’s. Definitely disrespected the relationship ). We have been somewhat trying to make it work but we fight so much that it’s been quite difficult. I don’t trust him, we have a lot of issues, mostly in terms of him being horny on social media. He also has a lot of girl friends now which he never had when we were together which is weird because he became friends with them in the last few months and some things are sus.
I recently got Covid so I’ve been quarantined for two weeks. Also before that we were fighting so we really haven’t seen each other in 2 months. Still through this we text everyday and tend to fight a lot. I definitely cry alot. It’s something I accepted it doesn’t affect my day to day but if I get mad or sad or I see weddings I cry. I’m also sarcastic. once in our relationship at the beginning I made a joke that I can cry on queue to get us in somewhere. One time when we were fighting I cried and he made a comment “oh you’re probably fake crying and lying to me to make me feel bad” and he left. It bothered me alot but we had so many other issues I didn’t want to get to that one then.
Fast forward now, in this toxic mess where I’m still talking to him.
Today in particular, I had a bad day for numerous reasons that aren’t really relevant but I told him. He didn’t acknowledge it at first ( we were on the phone I don’t think he heard me) but then we were texting and he brought up my friend (let’s call her Jane). Jane’s mom has been very sick and in a bad situation for months where she likely won’t make it. I was really close with janes mom and Jane so I’ve taken this really hard and tried to be there for her. About a month ago my ex wouldn’t stop texting me and questioning me about what was going on . I had received a call from one of janes family members saying Janes mom had died. My ex kept calling and calling when I was trying to get ahold of Jane (not weird – I’m her only true support) and eventually I answered and said “I’m dealing with a loss right now please stop calling me” turns out janes mom was literally unresponsive in coma but made a somewhat drastic recovery where she was given another month to live in the hospital. Today,janes moms in bad condition but we’re grateful she’s still here .
Today my ex started questioning me about janes mom because he doesn’t believe that when I waS visiting her that she was really sick.
He thinks I was cheating. So he kept asking when’s the funeral, and I kept saying call me so I can tell you the full story because we don’t talk deeply anymore. He kept saying he wouldnt call me and to tell him when the funeral happened. Eventually, I said that I would tell him later what was happening and I’m sad he kept questioning me and hasn’t even asked about my day or talked to me about anything today just “when was the funeral “ accusing me also of making excuses to not see him because I was lying about Jane. So then I say “well I had a horrible day and you don’t even ask me what’s wrong just questioning” he ended up calling and I was crying to different reasons and the first thing he said “are you fake crying again right now”
I cried even more and yelled at him and told him this is why we won’t work. I know I shouldn’t yell but I just said that he was being an a-hole and i am upset that i cant come to him when I’m sad anymore so what’s the point. We kept contact because we were best friends and on my end I held on because he was always there I guess I feeel like idk if I’m the a-hole because I’ve given him a hard time bu yelling but I also feel like he’s kind of an a-hole. He wasn’t fully loyal to me (questionable) and he broke up with me in the end when I tried to make it work. He came back and I said no because he hurt me so much, like I did everything and still gave him a chance I just started to trust less so I went crazy/
Basically in the end I yelled at him and blocked him. We’ve been doing this toxic situation for months and he’s really not showing me he’s a caring or kind partner. But I guess through this I’ve felt crazy because I don’t trust him after what he did so I expected him to communicate with me more or make an effort. I know I’ve been hard on him, like some new girl kept commenting on his pics/he commented on hers and I got mad at him. But idk if I overreacted. He literally asked me “are you fake crying” and I blew up and blocked him.
I don’t want to go back on my word/ am I in the wrong?