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Tuesday, February 27, 2024
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Does your SO watch porn in your presence but “without” you?

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I’m feeling weird about a couple of things my partner has done recently re: porn, and I’m looking for some experiences/perspectives from y’all.

I’ll preface by saying that, in general, I’m ok with watching porn. The two of us have watched it together before, and I watch it when I’m alone and pleasuring myself. That said, here are the two events:

  1. The other day, I walked into the living room where my partner was on the couch. He startled and pulled his iPad to his chest like he was hiding something. I talked to him about something unrelated, and then asked him what he was looking at. He pulled his tablet away from his chest and I could see a porn video playing, POV of a naked woman. I said, “oh…ok” and walked out of the room. He said after me, “I know you watch porn too!” I said nothing in response but I thought, well duh yeah, we’ve watched it together before. And I have no qualms about watching it privately or together, but I wouldn’t just pull it up while lounging around the house where I’d figure he could walk in at any point, it’d be like yeah you’re here but I’m doing this solo without you. He wasn’t masturbating, I figure he wasn’t yet but would have started soon if I hadn’t walked in. He was just there on the couch, just casually like he was looking at the news, when he knew I was home and could walk by at any point, yet he hides it? What’s the intent there?

  2. I recently hit menopause, and with that I reached a very distressing record high with my weight. I’ve had weight issues throughout my life, but this was a whopper on my self image.

This was not helped by the fact that SO would bring home sweets nearly daily and at my highest weight a couple of months ago I broke down crying and said, please you gotta keep your sweets to yourself, bring them home or wherever you want but STOP offering them, bc if I don’t lose this weight you can kiss our sex life goodbye.

Well, that very night, I woke up on the couch during the middle of the night after dozing off to see he was right next to me watching porn and jacking off. SERIOUSLY?! I tell you I’m having major issues with my weight and self image, only to wake up to you jacking it to (thinner) women right there?!

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I was really upset about that and really hurt and I told him so. He didn’t get why I was hurt and got mad at me for my reaction.

I’ve since lost some weight and feel somewhat better about my self image, but our sex life has faltered. The weight isn’t the only reason but it was a big one.

But in both events it was like he was leaving me out but still doing it in front of me. I don’t know what the intent is but it sure ain’t foreplay or any kind of way to get me in the mood.

Any ideas on what gives here?

submitted by /u/canarialdisease
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