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Thursday, December 8, 2022
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GUY SAID HE GOT MOLEST BY A FEW GUYS AND FINDS IT HARD TO FORGIVE THEM

Drunk friend touched me inappropriately, was it sexual assault? How to forgive them?

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I (21 gay nb) went on vacation with some friends I had known for a while but never met in person.

Over the vacation my best friend (23 gay m) was often physically affectionate ie hugs/cuddly, to which I expressed dislike multiple times, but continued to happen. It made me uncomfortable but was generally harmless so I tried to not let it upset me. At one point we went to a house pool party- just a chill gathering of people enjoying each other’s company while drinking.

My best friend (called A) ended up getting fairly drunk, whereas I was sober alongside another friend (called B). At some point during the night, A became a bit belligerent and difficult to deal with.

I was trying to watch over A as I wanted to make sure he was doing okay, however, I was met with slight aggression both in attitude and physicality. At one point they ‘jokingly’ got physical with B, in which B became uncomfortable and irritated. Proceeding this, A groped my crotch area in which I told him no and moved his hand away. Shortly after he said he had to pee, so I then helped him get to the washroom. On the way there he kissed my cheek/neck twice.

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Once there, A pushed me inside and closed and locked the door behind him. I told him I wanted to leave him to be to do his business to which he responded no, and as I tried to move around him to exit, he pushed me into the shower door. His behaviour teetered between being slightly aggressive, and flirty. I tried to de-escalate the situation by making some jokes, which worked briefly, but I wasn’t able to leave and he went pee haphazardly while I was there (I had to wipe the floor as a result). Then when exiting, he pushed me into the door and bit my neck while laughing – enough to have left a mark that I noticed an hour after the fact. Then for a second time, he got aggressive with B. By this point, I was obviously uncomfortable and annoyed with A – as was B, so we decided to leave. I fought with A to get their car keys as they had intention of driving home despite being extremely intoxicated . They were very frustrated and made pretty rude remarks.

The next day when I mentioned to A how they behaved (though leaving out specifics like the groping/ kissing, as I felt embarrassed), they explained they had no recollection of that hour in which those things occurred – and that they were sorry.

I haven’t explained the extent to which I feel bothered by what occurred, so it was mentioned and glossed over as if nothing serious happened. I don’t feel comfortable bringing it up in detail and confronting them, but I also find myself not wanting to talk to them as much; let alone be in their presence. I’m not sure how to navigate this moving forward as they’ve been one of my best friends, and this experience is something I find myself having difficulty moving past.

How can I work towards forgiving them? I feel like this is something that will remain at the back of my mind, but I’m not doing anything to address it. I can’t help but feel as though I’m blowing it out of proportion since they were so drunk and I’m not sure they were cognizant of what they were doing.

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