At the end of April 2021 I found out my wife of almost 11 years had been having an affair with a man that she works with. She told me she didn’t know why she had done it as she “wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t have feelings for him at all” she just did it for the attention.
I forgave her almost immediately as I truly felt she was the love of my life and my soul mate. Two weeks after I found out about the affair she admitted to me that she had been falling out of love with me for a few months but didn’t know why and didn’t think there was anything that could be done to bring her feelings for me back so she asked for a divorce.
Over the next few months I lost 30 lbs due to anxiety and depression and lack of sleep. My wife started dating the man she cheated on me with 🙄 and promptly informed our 4 young kids about her relationship.
I asked her not to talk about her boyfriend in front of our kids yet since I didn’t feel it was appropriate this early into our divorce process and it was clear than my 10 & 11 year old children were uncomfortable with the situation. My wife even tried to force our kids to FaceTime with her new boyfriend a month ago and it made my oldest son so uncomfortable that he hid under his bed sheets. I asked her to not expose the kids to him anymore for at least 4-6 months and that she can enjoy her time with him but to leave the kids out of it.
This week was our youngest sons 6th birthday and I had reluctantly asked if she wanted to get together as a family to celebrate as it was my custodial night with the kids and I wanted to be nice. We had agreed to meet up and to keep things civil. The night before the party my wife FaceTimed my kids while she was at her new boyfriends house which made me sick to my stomach and made my kids visibly uncomfortable so after the call I texted her and told her I didn’t think it was a good idea to get together for the party anymore because of how anxious I knew I would be around her and I didn’t want to say or do anything in front of our kids that I might regret. She was very upset about this because she wanted to be able to see our son on his birthday to which I responded by telling her “divorce sucks, and if you wanted to see and speak to our kids everyday that’s she shouldn’t have cheated and asked to end the marriage” I also informed her that I do not want her calling our kids on their days with me anymore as it’s my court appointed time and since my sons birthday fell on my night this meant that I didn’t want her to call him.
I said if our son asked to call her I would let him but he never did .She tried to get her attorney involved but he told her there’s really nothing legally wrong with my request and not much he could do. Needless to say she didn’t get to talk to him or see him on his birthday because of her actions. Am I the asshole in this situation?