I have been with my fiance for over 5 years and got engaged lasat year and we were supposed to get married in a few months
We were in an open relationship but everything had to be approved ahead of time. He went away for a month for work and wanted to hook up with someone. I wasn’t super comfortable with it but he guilted me into agreeing. We set boundaries of what was allowed and what wasn’t and he broke all of those boundaries and lied to me about it and so I consider that cheating.
When he got back I asked him to cut contact with this person but he refused to say they are friends and I can not control who is he friends with. We agreed to close the relationship and see a therapist. Through talking to the therapist, we uncovered deeper problems and that he did what he did because he was unhappy with certain parts of our relationship. I have been working hard for the past few weeks to try to be a better partner but I also found out that he has been continuing to talk to the girl this whole time when he agreed to stop while we were in therapy. After I found out I was really upset and he agreed to cut contact but wasn’t happy about it.
We had another session with the therapist yesterday and when he told her I made him cut contact, she said that was a red flag that I made him do it. This comment is what has been bothering me the whole time. To me it was a no brainer, if he cheated on me, he needs to cut contact with that person if we want to continue the relationship. So the red flag for me was him not agreeing to it and fighting it so hard.
I feel like after everything that happened, I’m taking all the blame for not being a good partner to cause him to cheat and he is receiving more support than me. And I know I need to be better and I’ve been trying hard, while he was still talking to them behind my back. And being told that making him cut contact was a red flag really upset me and is making me question whether that was a reasonable thing to want now. I feel like I just want some support and some validation for how I feel and I have not been able to get that from anyone.
A lot of people have interpreted that the therapist’s comment about the red flag was that my partner didn’t offer to cut contact on his own. That was not what she meant. She specifically said he shouldn’t do something he doesn’t want to if he feels I am making him do it.
We have agreed to close our relationship and don’t have plans to reopen it.
He has willingly agreed to stop contact.