I recently dated a Singaporean guy and eventually he become my bf. He did pay for the first date and all. But subsequently in the relationship, he did hint to split 50 50 and want me to take parts of my share. He send me home everytime initially , but after we get together, no more.
He say in Singapore, 80% of the relationship goes on dutch and 15% is guys pay all and 5% others. It is true? I wasnt from Singapore and he was the first Singaporean bf I have. From my understanding, guy do pay for dates. But when in relationship, is it normally dutch? One meal alternatively? He wants equal contribution to our relationship. We had a fight over this and he gave in.
When we talk about family, he say he expect his wife to continue work after pregnancy because he think women will become shallow and obsolete if they don’t. Is this a common beliefs among the Singaporean? I don’t intend to be a housewife but taking out the option is another thing.
I know each relationship is unique and we are all dealing with different things. The objective is this post is just to understand the social norms Singaporean guys have. I am just confused that is my bf the norm or not.
My bf still treated me very well and love me a lot. He did pay for most of the date and I pay for some dates. He pay for the food, I pay for the drinks.
Here are what netizens think:
- Welcome to dating reality.To be honest, I don’t think your guy is calculative. If he is, he would have insisted you pay for the meals instead of just drinks.What he really want isn’t you paying for the meals. What he really want is you NOT taking him for granted.Did you ever inititate paying for the meals? Or you just sit there and wait for him to pull out his credit card? If it’s the latter, then you are the problem.When he says he wants equal contribution in the r/s, he is saying: “hey, take some initiative and pay for our dates, however small”.You bf is giving you reasonable expectations, he is trying to tell you, “I can be in this tog with you, but you have to show me you are too”.Show him you care and don’t take him for granted. I think he is honest enough to let you know his expectations early, than pull out these issues during an argument.
- Not just in Singapore but especially in the West. Based on your story, you seem to hold traditional ideals. If you want to be treated as an equal in a relationship, you have to know how to give and not just to take. Unless you have no job or source of income as a woman then maybe that is an excuse..Do not expect men nowadays to treat you like a princess unless you come from wealthy family or is drop dead gorgeous, then maybe men will willingly spend for everything.Be more independent that is my advice and have less expectations from men , especially if you are already in a relationship. In marriage though , women sacrifice more, especially when she has to give up her career and even looks so if you do not want to be a doormat when you become a mom and a wife, you have to choose a guy who loves you more because in marriage, it is the woman who gives the ultimate sacrifices that money cannot pay. What men do not realize is that 9 months is just the pregnancy part, raising a child is years and decades of sacrifice so I say to women, be independent but be very very wise in choosing your partner. That marriage can make or break you. That is marriage benefits the men more so dear men please do not count what you give monetarily because you cannot even afford to pay what women will sacrifice.Financially independent women know their worth. Be very observant of your partners because they can lead to your downfall.
- As a married woman. I honestly think you must work no matter what. Unless your husband can make you a tai tai. Tai tai and stay at home mum is different. Stay at home still must do housework, tai tai is go shopping and waste money everyday.
- Here’s a wild thought:How about not being hung up on whether the guy pays for the date or not (at least not only that);But being laser sharp on whether that man is both generous and wise in finances OVERALL. Just like whether guys discern whether their woman is a kind and gracious, indeed even generous, lady?Long-term stable couples would know what I mean.