My Foreign husband, who left us years ago, has returned.
I’m married to a foreign man. I met him during my overseas studies then he attended my college as an exchange student. We got off well from our project work and enjoyed each other’s company. I moved in with him and not long after, we were a couple. I liked his sense of humour, maturity and independence. I feel secure with him.
We were together for 2 years. After we graduated, he proposed to me. We have initially been through some resistance from both our families, but they eventually gave in and wish us well. We moved back to Singapore as he had agreed to live with me at my place. He got a decent job and so did I.
Soon he has gotten PR status and we officially tied the knot. We bought a resale and soon had a child. All is well, at least that’s what I thought. Soon he started to drift away from us. He leaves early and works late; he skips family events and friends’ meetups. He starts to get impatient with me and my boy but never really yelled at us. I can feel he is upset about something but whenever I ask, he said it’s nothing. Then one day. He took his passport and disappeared.
I when to his workplace and his boss thought he was on MC. I tried to call and texted him but failed. I called their parents in their country, but they were not aware of his whereabouts. No one knows when he went. I made a police report and after investigating they had determined that he left the country. His parents made a police report too as he did not return home either.
I will never forget that stressful week looking for him. Then suddenly I received a long text from him. He said he was growing tired of “Asian life and family life” and wanted some time to recharge and in his words “find the light and purpose in my life again”. These words are puzzling and totally out of his character as he has never complained about his life. It is also not as if he is stuck here as he frequently travels to his hometown to run errands or catch up with his family.
I was thinking perhaps he needed his own space and didn’t “force” him to come back. I messaged him to take care and come back when he is ready. He replied for me to give him a few weeks and promised to remit money to me once he found a job.
Weeks became months and soon he was gone for a year. Throughout the year he did send money back to me although the amount is inconsistent. However, all my texts were not answered. I called his family, but they slowly distanced themselves from me and stopped answering my call after a few months. When I travelled to his hometown, I realised his family has moved and he is still nowhere to be found. And soon the money didn’t come too but that is unimportant. I feel depressed and helpless, resigning to the fate that my husband has abandoned us. I had to lie to my boy, telling him daddy was working overseas. I was under medication for depression for a while but recovered thanks to the motivation from my boy.
It’s been 8 years. For 8 years my boy and I survived and stayed strong. For 8 years my status is still married but I raised my boy like a single parent.
Last month, without any warning, he called me. He told me that he has “awakened” after the pandemic and missed me and my boy dearly. He told me he is deeply sorry and will not leave us again. At first, I was delighted and relieved. Then I felt confused and felt scared. My boy was angry and against his return. He thinks my husband is using us as a refuge.
Last week, I picked him up at the airport. He looks slightly different, more unkempt and tired, but otherwise still himself. We embraced but he felt like a stranger to me. I asked him what he has been doing, he said he travelled from town to town, city to city in his country to work and experience a different form of lifestyle and to gather his thoughts and find his way and he ultimately when full circle realised the answer was all along us. I didn’t probe further as I see no point in that.
Now at home, I felt awkward with him around. My boy avoided him most of the time and locked himself in the room. My husband told me to give him some time and he will make it up for us. But after a week I realised my boy and I had moved on without him. I was clear now that I wanted a divorce to have closure on my current life and status.
I will speak to him when he is ready, but I just want to post my story here in case things turned ugly.