Found a wallet just now and did the most unhinged, lazy Singaporean thing. roast me.

Guys, I need to confess before the guilt eats me alive, or worse, SPF knocks on my door.

So I was walking back from the MRT station after a brutal 9-to-6 day. Brain totally fried. Near the HDB void deck, I saw this thick leather wallet sitting on a stone bench. No one was around. My kaypoh instincts kicked in, so I picked it up.

I opened it to see if there was an IC or any contact number. Inside got about $150 cash, a few credit cards, and an driving license. At first, the devil on my shoulder whispered, “Eh, jackpot sia, can go eat Haidilao tonight.” But obviously, I’m not a thief. I know got cameras everywhere.

Then my internal debate started:

1. Option A: Go to the police station. But the nearest NPP is like a 15-minute walk away, and my legs were literally giving up. Plus, later need to write report, give statement… so mafan, I too lazy.
2. Option B: Take it home first, settle tomorrow. But then I remembered those Crime Watch episodes. Taking it home means “Dishonest Misappropriation of Property.” If the owner police report and Singpost/CCTV tracks me back to my unit, I’m instantly gung ho. It’s a straight-up crime.

So my big brain, 200-IQ Singaporean logic kicked in. If I keep it, I go jail. If I walk to the NPP, I die of exhaustion.

Solution? I walked over to the green rubbish bin next to the lift lobby, opened the flap, and just threw the whole wallet inside. Plop.

In my mind, I thought, “Perfect. I didn’t steal it, so I’m innocent! Clean hands!”

But now I’m sitting on my sofa eating my cai fan, and the post-incident clarity is hitting me hard. I feel like an absolute villain. Some poor uncle or NSF is probably panicking right now looking for their IC, and it’s currently suffocating under a pile of McDonald’s wrappers and discarded tissue paper.

Am I a terrible person, or is this just peak malicious compliance with the law? How, ah? Should I go back down and dig the bin? Or just let Singlestrike/NEA handle it?

TL;DR: Found wallet. Too lazy to return, too scared to steal. Threw it in the HDB rubbish bin to avoid legal trouble. True story.