My girlfriend wants to break up because I make us split pay for dates
My girlfriend and I are both in school. I work part-time and have a big savings; however my girlfriend has been unemployed for years and relies solely on her parents for financial support.
She has her reasons for not working, but I guess she’s surviving. I’ve never been a huge spender, and I’m a pretty good saver.
We go out to eat almost every week, and we always pay for our own food. She has organised and paid for a few dates, but I made sure to pay for both of our meals afterwards to even things out.
She has complained that I never took her out on a single date, so I surprised her with a date at a bar. After we finished, we decided to go see a movie, and I asked her to pay for both of our tickets because I had paid for the meal.
I like to keep our dates 50/50 because it’s impossible to survive in this economy otherwise.
I guess her breaking point came last week, when I gave her the gift I bought for her. It was a $20 candle, and I told her I was going to get her something else, but then I remembered I had gotten her an expensive book a few weeks before.
I thought she was happy until she began complaining a few days later that she wishes I did a bit more for her and at least took her out on dates.
She told me she needs space and is really considering ending the relationship. To me that sounds a bit of an extreme reason to end the relationship. But maybe it’s not, I don’t know, it’s my first relationship and I’m learning.
Netizens’ comments
- I mean. It sounds like you see your relationship as transactional. She asked you to make more effort in organizing a date and then you asked her to pay for half of it. She took the time to organize and pay for a date, and you paid her for half of it. A relationship is never 50/50
- She’s just realising you’re incompatible. Sometimes it’s nice to be treated without someone making you feel like you’re not worth the expense.
You sound like you’re counting every cent, which is fine if that’s what you need to be doing but she clearly isn’t a fan. - Are you sure it’s about money, because this sounds like she wants you to put more effort in by organising more dates, rather than her doing it.
Since money is a factor, maybe some picnics, walks, playing at a local park or something would’ve been fine.
It’s seems that you’re trying to pass the blame for your lack of effort - You didnt mention doing anything together that doesnt cost, so I’m wondering if maybe you just set something up that isn’t “well I paid for x so she should pay for y”, if she would be receptive. I understand the financials are an issue, but a relationship isnt the time to keep score.