So my GF smoked cigarettes before we dated and i was a big motivation for
her to end that.
I didn’t bring that up at any time, she decided that herself.
Today i called her to make sure she made it home safe and to say goodnight.
During the call she told me the following:
GF: Hey, i have to confess something to you.
Me: Yes, what is it?
GF: I smoked two cigarettes at my friend’s house.
Me: Okay, I thought you want to quit, you were on an almost 2-month streak?
GF: Yeah, I know. How do you think about that?
Me: I don’t know, you know i don’t like smoking cigarettes but you are free
to do whatever you want. You know that.
GF: Yes i know, are you mad?
Me: Why would i? I’m not particularly happy about it, but I’m not mad. Like i
said, you are free to do whatever you want to do.
GF: Okay, thank you, i love you.
What bothers me is the circumstances of why she did it. She smoked them because
“2 of her friends smoked too.”.
The thing is. I said it would not bother me. It still doesn’t, because i
hold true to my words. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like she did
something bad, but i know she didn’t. Should i tell her my thoughts or let it
rest for good?
What netizens think about it:
- I’ve been on the smoking side of this in a relationship. You have to be ready to quit, not just quitting because of someone else. If you’re not, it’s a losing battle. You can either accept them, smoking and all until they figure it out, or you won’t. I tried to quit for someone because they didn’t like it, and it was doomed to fail and then I had anxiety about letting them down, and they were upset because I broke a promise when it’s literally as addicting for me as caffeine was for them. If anything, support them for whatever they choose, but if you really can’t stand it, don’t lead them onto thinking you can hold out until they quit, because it’ll just foster resentment that neither side can control.
- Yeah as a former smoker- your girlfriend is in the grips of a powerful addiction. Don’t underestimate what a hard fight she’s fighting against it. Quitting is not a linear path, and to be honest you can only quit when you REALLY want to with your whole heart. You behaved correctly in this interaction btw. Very admirable. I will recommend Alan Carr’s “The Easy way to quit smoking,” it’s an excellent book. But just recommending or giving it to her has is no guarantee she’ll read it or quit. That outcome deep in her heart.