My girlfriend (29F) and I (31M) have been together for over 5 years.
We have talked about marriage and she has put some pressure on me to propose, as we have recently moved in together. She is sweet, empathetic, beautiful; an all around wonderful person and I am deeply in love with her.
But she quit her job about 16 months ago and I have been paying for everything, although I have made it clear that this is not sustainable long-term. She does some online work that pays her about $500/month which she uses for nice things (skincare, etc.) but everything else has been paid for by me.
I have also loaned her nearly $7K to pay off high-interest credit cards, because I couldn’t stand to see her struggle just to make the interest payments. In the past, she has done things like signing up for an expensive course ($2K+) with my credit card, promising to pay me back and never has.
It’s not that she is lazy, I just think she is a bit lost in terms of what she wants to do. One day it’s starting a beauty blog and selling services and products online, and the next day she want to go back to school and become an aesthetician (more loans I would probably have to help her with).
In the past, we have fought about money because I would like her to help out a bit if we are going to make a future together. I am not rich by any means, I have been very frugal to get to where I am (which is about $10K emergency fund + $20K invested).
Looking through my credit card statements, I noticed a bunch of charges on my backup credit card piling up over $500. I call her and ask what’s up and she tells me she didn’t want me to get mad, so she took my credit card without asking for ’emergencies’. I got mad. I saw it as a sign of shadiness, bordering thievery. I told her I would much rather her ask me first, as I have been more than generous in the past if she asks first. She agrees that it was messed up, apologizes and I try to move on.
I check my amazon account today and see that she ordered over $300 worth of beauty products the same day as our conversation. I call her again and she cries and says that it happened before we had our conversation. I am livid, because we just had a conversation about being forthcoming, and I am at a loss for what to do…
Any advice would be appreciated.