I feel like it has been the elephant in the room for a while but it now definitely emerges more clearly and will become an issue soon. Basically my partner and I have a vastly different financial situations.
He comes from an upper middle-class background and I’m low-income. He lands a really good full-time offer out of a local university (pay on the same level as VP + huge signing bonus) while I plan to attend a cheaper school so most of my internship pays like not paying. I also have 4 jobs but they’re only enough to cover my daily expenses and eating out once in a while.
At the early stage of our relationship, he was really generous with paying for dates and helping out 1-2 times I was in need. I obviously couldn’t lavish money on fancy dates or trips so I try my best to give him other things in return like small gifts, lots of quality time, etc. I also never ask for gifts or expect him to cover my living expenses.
I admit that he financially carries our relationship (most of our experiences like restaurants and trips are paid by him) but he seems to be stricter with money recently. He sometimes implies that he spends too much and I’m part of the cost. On a recent date, he refused to get dessert with me cause he thought he had to pay for it (cheap dessert <$10). He also complains about how I use too much of electricity or his personal products when I sleepover.
I don’t know if it’s because he thinks I’m mooching or if I expect the financially well-off partner to be more generous (or not make the poor one feel uncomfortable). I don’t know how to start this conversation without sounding like a gold-digger or accusing him of being a little stingy.
Here are what netizens think:
- It will always be an issue. I’m guessing since he is making his own money now with his new job it hurts him a bit more to spend it. Before when it was Bank of mom and dad, spending wasn’t a big deal because there’s always enough, right?
- First of all you can make it clear that you don’t have to eat at expensive restaurants, you can cook for him or vice versa. Also don’t use his personal stuff, bring your own if you’re staying over. The only thing I would worry about is if this is the real him and up until now he’s been putting on an act. Talk about this.
- He either wanted to win you over in the beginning, and now that he’s comfortable you’re seeing how he really feels about money, or he’s getting tired of the relationship and has started to see everything you do as expenses he incurs. Neither is great.