This will be a long post, apologies to whoever reading but some advice would be great.
Context
me and my girlfriend are both 25, and we’ve been together for nearly 4 years, at the start (as id imagine with all relationships) the s- was constant, every time we’d see each other and it was great, it was very vanilla but that never bothered me. last year (2022), we very rarely had s- for a number of reasons:
Reasons
- we both live with parents, so we’d never get alone time till around midnight, where i was always tired and preferred the spontaneous s- we had at the start of the relationship
- we don’t see each other every day, so when we would see each other the s- for her would be painful and unpleasant due to tightness
- it wasn’t my go to thing to do, it might be weird, but id always prefer to hang out together and watch a film/talk rather than have s-, we don’t see each other that often and i valued that more.
I always get blamed for not ‘giving’ it to her
Throughout 2022 i was constantly on the end of blame for the lack of s- and made to feel like it was my fault, perhaps it is but there’s many reasons to why this happened, so i vowed to make things more better and it just didn’t happen, plus whenever we did it always felt as if I was only having s- because of this argument which just didn’t feel natural.
The past few months I’ve been really trying to up my game, explore her s- interests and fantasies and make it more fun again for the better. even though she said she had 0 fantasies I still had the aim to work at it, but she just isn’t interested at all in trying to make things better.
Tells me she has no more s- drive because its pain
She told me that she doesn’t have s- drive anymore because of how much it hurts and because of the lack of during the last year and that she isn’t interested in talking about it.
I really need help as i have 0 clue where to go from here, i thought the best way to make things better were to actually have frequent s- and explore things together, but how do i do that if she just doesn’t want to talk about and open up to me?