Me and a new girlfriend have been going out for a few months and things have been better than great. We get on so well, same dark humour, same response to nearly all situations, everything we do compliment each other, etc.
We’ve been discussing what would happen if she got pregnant.
We’ve joked about using a coathanger, her falling down some stairs, her current child from a previous relationship jumping on her, you name it, we’ve probably joked about it. No matter how we joked or spoke about it, we always said that in maybe 5 to 10 years it would be good. We’d know each other better and be ready for it, financially and mentally.
So she’s just found out she’s pregnant because she suggested not using a rubber and I stupidly agreed. I did so under the impression that everything we’d spoken about, jokes or serious was the idea (not the dark stuff just that we wouldn’t keep it if it did happen).
Turns out she’s decided she wants to keep it because its “my body and you have no say because this isn’t the dark ages”. I don’t want a child yet. I’m not ready for a child and I’m still getting to grips with her current one, we’re still early on in the relationship and I’m worried it’s a terrible idea.
We’ve spoken about all of this and she just calls me a child, tells me to grow up and everything we discussed about it has changed. I’ve told her it feels like she’s deceived me and I’m finding it hard to trust her again and she just replies “There’s a difference between a lie and talking about a scenario you didn’t think would happen”.
We knew what could happen with no condom and we kept speaking about not keeping it up until she found out she was pregnant. She keeps telling me i’m asking her to get an abortion but I’ve never once said those words to her, I just said that WE agreed to not keep it.
She doesn’t want an abortion because of the risk associated, not only with the physical risks, but the mental ones too. I’m trying not to push her to get one, but I keep bringing up what we’d discussed so it’s 100% starting to feel that way, I’m trying to have a conversation about it so we’re both happy but I’m getting dismissed each time I ask (“My body, my rules”).
She posted her version of the story to another site and screenshotted some replies to send me, but they seem to have been hand-picked responses and she wasn’t able to show me what she’d posted (it’d apparently been removed) which seems odd. She knows I’ve posted this and the exact text I’m using.
I’m already annoyed with the situation, but I feel so betrayed by her and her sudden change of mind. It feels like she lied to me. I feel like she’s trapped me and I’m not sure I can trust her again. I feel the more we argue the less chance we have of getting over the issue and continuing a meaningful relationship.
So my question is, am I just being a selfish person and should I just accept it, do I have the right to be upset about the situation and what I feel is being forced onto me?