My boyfriend was from NUS and cannot provide for me. I know I’m gonna get a lot of hate for this, but I need to rant and lament. Whenever I see my sister’s rich expat boyfriend showering her with expensive gifts I get very jealous and envious. I feel I deserve more. I feel I can do better than my boyfriend. I can’t help these feelings and I am overcome with anxiety thinking and overthinking it.
I come from an upper-middle-class family and we stay in landed property. My boyfriend is an average Singaporean boy staying in public housing. I don’t mind having a BTO as a starter home too. I have nothing against dating someone like him, but after 4 years together, I am tired. I want to be with someone who can provide for me all that I want. Someone witty, charming and romantic too.
My boyfriend has been unemployed ever since he graduated, and it’s been almost 2 years. He keeps on blaming covid for his unemployment. He also blames Singapore’s immigration policies for not getting a job.
So for the time being he’s doing grab food deliveries. I don’t think it’s a bad thing per se, but I think I feel I don’t want to be seen with him in his uniform. I started to feel resentment toward him.
Recently I’ve started using dating apps and been meeting new guys. I have to say, from my dates, Singaporean guys lack imagination and romance. They almost always say the same things, topics are simplistic and discussions are, not to be rude, a little childish.
There are Singaporean guys who tick all my boxes though, and I do go out with them for second and third dates too. It’s been really fun meeting new people and getting a different feel of romance.
But without commitment from me, because I’m still with my boyfriend, I am not rewarded the way a girlfriend should. Sometimes after spending the night with my dates, I feel empty. I feel I’m missing out.
I am happy my boyfriend still gives me that attention albeit it’s not perfect, it kind of fills the void from my empty dates.
So recently I met an expat guy, he’s a little older than what I would call within my age range. I told him about how I feel, and what I’m going through. He admitted to me he’s married too and can’t give me the attention.
But we came to an “agreement”, that he’d shower me with gifts instead. We both get to keep our other halves and still enjoy our time together.
I know I’m going to get shamed but maybe I need a wake-up call too. But I’ve developed feelings for my expat guy. I feel pained leaving him at the end of the night. It’s affecting how I feel about my boyfriend. Now I just resent looking at my boyfriend. Everything he does wrong is multiplied exponentially in my mind. Even the way my boyfriend dresses irks me. He’s always so casual in his army singlet and flip flops. I find it so vexing that I can’t tell him I’m no longer attracted to him.
I don’t wanna break up with him, cos I think he’s gonna be broken. I’m also quite sure he can’t do better than me, but without commitment from my expat guy, I don’t know what to do.