Well honestly, it wasn’t today but when I first entered the relationship that my screw up began.
To give some history: I (M) met two individuals about a year or two ago and we became fast and best friends very quickly.
Not using real names we will call them Jake (M) and Lena (F).
Our friendship became more than just friends
Our friendship grew intimate, and we began participating in ‘three way’ with each other both before and after Jake and Lena became a couple.
Our friendship grew to the point we were inseparable.
Lena ended up going home to see her family last year while Jake and me became ‘bros’ as we spent a lot of time together when Lena was gone.
My girlfriend came into the picture
Enter my relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever met. We will call her Sabrina (F).
Myself and Sabrina hit it off shortly after meeting each other, and entered a relationship.
Upon telling Jake and Lena about my relationship with Sabrina, the obvious questions were asked like “what does this mean for us and our friendship/intimacy” and “can we all be friends still” which led to “if we are all friends; what do we tell Sabrina about our past”.
At this point; Sabrina had met Jake personally as he was always around me and had met Lena online. I, like a dumbo, came to the conclusion that mine, Jake and Lena’s past deeds would remain between us to preserve our friendship, but I made it known that if Sabrina ever asked; I would not lie to her.
Months passed, we all hung out together multiple times and life felt like life could go on.
Gf then questioned the relationship between us
Well the inevitable day came last Saturday night/Sunday morning when Sabrina asked me if I had done anything intimate with the two of them, based on a long suspicion of how we all acted towards each other.
I had to look her in the eyes and tell her “yes”
This broke her. The truth came out in its entirety and the justifiable rage, sadness and myriad of other emotions from Sabrina came flooding down upon me, reducing me to nothing.
The questions asked were many, and I answered truthfully to all of them.
“How could you keep it a secret from me” “How could you allow me to sit in discomfort and suspicions for this long” “How could you be alone multiple times with past partners and think it was okay”
And many more. All her questions were justified, all her emotions valid.
She went back home, I had to decide between my friends or my gf
She left yesterday to stay at her parents, and I had to come to face facts with what I did and make very difficult decisions that will hurt for a long time.
After a full day of being alone with my thoughts; I came to the conclusion that I had to step away from Jake and Lena. And before anyone can say “you really chose some girl over your closest friends” or “Sabrina really made a slave out of you”; I’ll have it known I made this decision on my own, without knowledge of where my relationship is and for more than simply trying to repair my relationship.
I did this for my future.
If Sabrina doesn’t come back and I remain close with Jake and Lena; what happens if ever I enter another relationship? Do I lie for longer? Do I offer any potential future partners an ultimatum of their own morals by saying “I’m always going to be close with people I’ve slept with. Deal with it or leave”?
Nobody here can tell me either of those options are fair on a romantic partner, and wouldn’t be fair on myself either.
I ran multiple hypothetical scenarios through my head and came to the same conclusion every time…
Chose my relationship instead
I told Jake and Lena my decision. It hurt them. I can tell. It hurt me, too, but I simply didn’t and don’t see a way to continue a facade of normality where so much intimacy once was.
That wouldn’t be fair to my future partner, Jake and Lena or, ultimately, to myself.
I ruined the trust in my relationship, ruined friendships between multiple people, lost my closest friends and relationship and have not felt this alone since.