Met a shitty guy who was great when he gives you the attention, great in bed but otherwise an @ssh*le and a cheater, but after years of it being over I think I still want to be with him? So my ex was this…
Kinda bad boy vibe guy with some serious commitment issues. And this entire relationship has pretty much f**ked up my perception of relationships in general I guess…
This was a long time ago, way before we got into uni (I’m graduated now), and basically, during our short relationship, he cheated on me twice with this other attached girl. I haven’t kept track of him after we broke up, I just know he was doing well from a mutual friend who mentioned him once a year ago.
He went clubbing quite a bit (usually going home with some girl after or idk probably banging some chick somewhere else) and he smoked a fair bit, heard he quit as well though so idk. Usually brought along condoms “just in case”, I mean I should have known when we were just friends and these were all “cute things” that I should have seen as red flags, I don’t even understand how I saw these things as cute. He was really non-committal and I don’t know what I saw in him, but frankly, the only part of the relationship that was really good was just the sex. I’ve not met anyone as gifted as him in skill or genetics since, and honestly after a few more failed relationships, I figure relationships are frankly mostly about the sex anyway, which is why these other ones didn’t work out.
Attention wise he gave you attention but like just enough to keep you hooked on him, you just want his attention and so you try harder and harder? Then when he does give you the attention it’s like omg it worked and then you try again? It’s like he blew hot and cold randomly.
He wasn’t abusive or anything, but he slept around, and I can’t imagine him ever settling down.
Last I heard he’s doing pretty well, which makes me feel like shit like… I don’t know. Maybe I kinda wish things worked out between us? I didn’t want a relationship at first, I thought he was just another hookup, but I guess it got really messy after that. I don’t know, I’m just really confused, and I really don’t know where to start unpacking this. At this point I want basically what he can offer, good sex life and pretty much good attention (when he wants to give it) but I mean just not by him?
Does that even make sense? The worst part is that his friends don’t seem to know what kind of person he is (or maybe they’re ignoring it) so I think I’m the only person who knows of this (apart from the other girls he’s slept with, not like I can talk to them) so I can’t work this through with anyone, since really I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know how to even begin if I had someone to talk to. Idk anymore…
Even my parents thought he was a good guy at some point but idk anymore, really. It’s not common that they see me outside with a guy wearing ear studs (parents are really conservative) and they ask me to introduce them some time, but they did so really I’m not even sure anymore.
Just confused, and it’s been way too long.