I’ve been dating “A” for 7 1/2 months, and we’ve been exclusive since the beginning. Everything was going well, and it’s the healthiest relationship that I’ve ever been in. We never fought and always treated each other with respect. Sex was great too.
I was more than a year out of a very long relationship when we got together, and I’ve moved on. My ex and I are on friendly terms, but there are no feelings there, at least on my side. But A ended his most serious relationship only 2 months before we met. It sounded like it was toxic and they broke up and got together many times before parting ways. I had a feeling that he wasn’t over her, but it didn’t seem to be a problem for our relationship. I fell in love with him and felt safe and cared for with him.
We met up on Sunday to celebrate Valentine’s Day since I had to work on Monday, and when I walked in I could tell something was off. He said he was really depressed, which I suspected he had been for a while. But he also said that his ex contacted him over the weekend and that it really hit him that he’s not over her. And it made him realize that there is something missing in our relationship. At the same time, he said he cares about me a lot, and does have feelings for me – but they are not the same as his feelings toward her.
I asked if he wants to get back with her and he said he doesn’t know. I asked if he wanted to see me again or to end our relationship that night, and he said he wanted to see me again. I thought we could both use time apart and suggested we meet up this weekend to talk about it.
But I don’t know what to do, and my thoughts are all over the place. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat. I’ve given him nothing but love and treated him well. It hurts so much that he can’t realize what a great thing we have together because he’s still in love with someone who never treated him well (per his own words). At the same time, I know that he didn’t give himself time to get over her when we started dating, and that this is why we’re in this situation now.
I know I probably need to walk away from him for my sanity and let him figure out his life. I feel like if I do walk away, or if he wants to end it, I need to close the door on this relationship permanently and move on, so I don’t end up obsessing over him like he’s doing with his ex.
But I still find myself wanting to try to see if he can somehow work on getting over her while still being with me, if I give him space to feel his feelings for her without judgment or anger, and time to heal. Is that just doomed to fail?