I dated this guy at work for ±6 months and broke it off a month ago. It made me feel like I was replaying my parent’s issues in a mini version, but I wonder if I was too harsh.
So we started because colleagues were saying we look like a couple, so we decided to give the relationship a try. Both of us are in the same company unit but different teams, and we do shift work. So we have different off days, but will meet at work.
At the beginning, I told him I have insecurities and could be harsh if provoked or if I felt “challenged” to protect myself. I also need constant reminders that I am doing ok, and that using reverse psychology could have a bad effect. But I’m ok if he goes out with friends (good mix of guys and girls) and its ok for him to go out with his exes or old crushes as long as there is a third party, since I have more guy friends than girls and I tend to go with like a whole group of guys often.
At the start, it wasn’t so smooth sailing. There will be 2-3 days every month that I will be crying because he said something wrong, affected me badly and I said something nasty in return. He said this is his first serious relationship and he didn’t know how to coax a girl. He would only buy me gifts after I say sorry to him, for example.
Moreover, before we started to date, I was trying to slim down due to health issues. We do have a bit of weight difference and he is slightly slimmer than I am. So most of the time he will be telling others that I am obese and is not taking care of my health and all sorts of things. People around us could see I’m making effort and was losing weight faster although the changes weren’t big. He compared me to different colleagues and keeps thinking I am lazy.
The whole relationship truly started to go downhill and he went out with his crush (one of his ex-colleagues) alone, while lying to me that he was going out with a whole bunch of them. I told him off. But then it got worst when he was going out with her legit every week. He treated her to movies, have “dates” like other couples too. I voiced out my concerns but he kept saying that I was overthinking things – that I am just purely jealous that she has a better body and personality than I do.
What he said brought out all of my anxieties and we argued. I left him alone that night after we ended our shift. He started to tell others he wanted to coax me but I didn’t give him the “face”, so he blocked me on messaging and calls. He also said since everyone is siding me, it’s ok for him to be the bad guy. So it seems he just believes I am overthinking or oversensitive about things. It makes me feel as if I am the third party of his relationship with his ex-crush.
Looking back, is it my fault?