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Monday, June 17, 2024


My boyfriend is breaking up with me because I’m “too old”. We are the same age.

As per the title, yeah it sucks. I don’t know who else to talk to and I don’t know how to talk to him about it so if anyone could offer advice on how to respond eloquently that would be very appreciated.


To cut a long story short, we met just under a year ago and started a situationship not exclusive, he didn’t want ANY labels. I’d go on other dates and that but this guy really stuck.

After a few ups and downs and a break he came back to me and asked me to be his girlfriend. I was shocked but kinds excited and I’d hoped this would sorta spark a bit more interest from him.

We’ve been doing really good but when he’s drunk he will explicitly tell me he see’s no future in us but he’s “happy at the moment”, basically stringing me along. I’m constantly on my toes till he invites me over and acts all loving and sweet and I’m constantly wondering what “it” is that’s wrong with me..and why he can’t see a future with me. I’m not perfect but I can always grow and improve and learn. I have encouraged this man to pursue his dreams and go to uni, literally telling him I’m here to support him even if it means us breaking up with the long distance. I have literally been a cheerleader to him for his future and his life goals.

Last night he came over after drinking with his friends. We finally got round to having “the chat” and this is what he told me:


“We are the same age and you being the same age as me will cause difficulty in the future”. He went on to say how he wants to meet someone and have a happy family with three children, two years apart. If he goes to uni that’s another potential 5-6 years away. He literally went on a rage about how women are at peak fertility between ages 20-30 and after that they start having deformed and mentally ill children. Shouting at me “older pregnant women are VERY HIGH RISK of having a severely mentally disabled child” and horror stories and “facts”. I said to him “so you just want a younger 20 year old girlfriend then” and he said yes

My thoughts on this are firstly, people born with disabilities aren’t doomed to a horrible life and I will stand by that. Men are just as likely if not even more likely to have children with autism if they impregnate at a later age (thankyou google, don’t quote me) I am in the prime of my life, I have and steady income and a place to live. I have also raised my 11 year old so I know what I’m doing on a parental level.

Basically what I’m saying is I’m insulted and shocked. I never thought it would be this, considering I am very youthful and often get told I look 10 years younger than my age. It implies that I am a carrier of bad genes and will produce disabled children. It’s offensive and it feels like a scapegoat for the truth. I don’t know how to tell him that he really upset me and insulted me. How do I explain what he said (he doesn’t remember apparently but I think he knows) and argue my side of the story in a way that doesn’t make me look needy or desperate?

I’m not trying to win him back, I’m going to finally show him for the last time that I’m done being pushed around with mentally and I’m going to take care of myself only from now on.

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