My boyfriend can’t get hard/stay hard in bed.
I (22F) met my boyfriend (25M) online a while ago, and we clicked really really well in every other aspect except in bed. He has a really high libido, and recently overcame an addiction to adult videos that consumed a lot of his later teen years/early twenties.
Because of his high libido, we had a lot of self-stimulation through the phone after we started dating but before we met, in which he built this idea in my mind of what he was like in bed, among other things. He had several intense fantasies that he showed me, and because I enjoyed making him happy, I helped indulge in those fantasies.
We had an online relationship and finally met up in May. He never ever mentioned to me having previous erectile issues, ever, to much of my surprise he quite literally couldn’t get hard, or if he could, he couldn’t stay hard whilst we would hook up.
It was (and is) really really tough for me. I questioned whether he was actually attracted to me. He assured me that it wasn’t my fault, and we had a rocky few days where he admitted that he had been experiencing erectile issues for the last few years but kept avoiding the subject because he didn’t want to believe there was something wrong.
It’s difficult, because I’ve watched him get himself off so many times. He can stay hard and shoot with ease over the phone or even on video calls. I couldn’t understand what it was about us that had him go soft everytime I put him in my mouth or tried to put him inside of me.
He stayed with me for an entire month, and we only had successful “proper” intercourse once, but he went soft after 5 or so minutes. I don’t get turned on much by his fantasies, and I felt sad that fantasies were the only way I could get him off. I just want to have normal intimacy like a normal couple.
I fear that due to prolonged exposure to adult videos, he has lost the ability to find typical intercourse attractive. He told me he would book an appointment with a doctor to try and resolve this issue.
I told him I didn’t want to touch myself over the phone with him anymore because I felt like it really negatively affected my expectations of him and also affected his degree of excitement to do naughty things with me.
Does anyone have any tips or ideas? I feel I am missing such an important part of our relationship. I’m really worried it won’t ever get better.