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Thursday, December 8, 2022
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GIRL FEELS GUILTY FOR SLEEPING WITH HER CHILDHOOD FRIEND WHO IS ATTACHED

I first met him when we were 13yo in sec sch and we both had what everyone calls it puppy love for each other but we never exactly got together.

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We remained friends throughout our sec sch phase and we went on a short grad trip with a whole bunch of our classmates.

It was during the grad trip that the feelings for him resurfaced again and I could feel that there was some kind of sexual tension seeing how we both wanted to be close to each other but we didn’t cos we were both afraid of our friends “disturbing” us. Nothing happened during the trip other than that invisible pull between us. We texted here and there after the trip but never addressed what we felt towards each other.

We moved on to different tertiary schools, drifted off from each other and he subsequently found a girlfriend. They seemed really cute together and I was genuinely happy for him. I guess because we never really started anything, I didn’t felt heartbroken or anything of that sort about it.

Then one day we bumped into each other and started texting again. It was friendly texts catching up with our lives and no flirting was involved. We met up one night and somehow ended up at his place because I needed the restroom. We were watching some stuff on my phone when he started to snatch my phone away and like how dramas usually go, we ended up tickling and hugging each other (cringey af, I know). It started to get really late and I was sleepy. I never had the intention of sleeping over when we met up for the night but ended up sleeping over anyway. Nothing happened that night other than hugging each other to sleep.

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I went home the next morning and we met up again that night. He was the one that requested to meet up again but of course the stupid me didn’t reject his request. We ate out and again went over to his place. I spent the night again and this time we had S with each other. I went home the next morning and we didn’t meet for the next few days because he had some orientation camp stuff to attend to for a few days.

He said he missed me and all those nonsense shit. But he posted an Instagram post thanking his girlfriend for being the sweetest human being by his side. And that’s when I realized how stupid I had been to allow my feelings to take control instead of my brain.

Yes, I knew he hadn’t broken up with his girlfriend when I stayed over the first night. He told me they were in a Cold War and the situation wasn’t great. The naive me believed him. I should have known better.

I stopped replying him when his IG post went out and he texted me saying he can’t bear to break his girlfriend heart and seeing her cry is the worst thing ever. honestly, I wasn’t expecting him to break up with the girlfriend and be with me. I just didn’t expect that he was such a douchebag and never once apologized for leading me on. I eventually sent him a text about my feelings, how I didn’t meant to be the third party, how messed up we had been, how I realized that I have always been in love with him since 13 and he had always been my kryptonite.

He didn’t acknowledge my feelings and I didn’t reply anything to him after that.

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Few months later, I posted a Snapchat on feeling stressed about school work and he replied my snap to ask me to go over his place. I was completely dumbfounded and speechless by this guy. How could he be so… fked up? I ignored his snap and we never talked since then.

It has been at least 5 years since this incident and it took me a long time to fully get over the guilt of sleeping with an attached guy and I also became paranoid with my partners on whether they will be secretly be sleeping with another girl without me knowing. I guess you can call that karma but I will fully accept that fate if it happened to me because I know I deserved it for what I’ve done.

For that guy, he has married that girlfriend that he cheated on with me. I don’t know if he has ever told her the truth or if he had slept with other girls in between. I know I am an awful person but I hope that his wife will someday cheat on him and leave him at his lowest. Or that he may never have kids, ever. Guys like him shouldn’t reproduce. And maybe girls like me shouldn’t too. Oh well.

Sorry for lousy grammar and the long rant. Just needed to get this out and finally close this chapter in my life.

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