So Lost
I have a crush on this guy for almost 2 years now. We have a direct and very close working relationship. He is charismatic and caring but sometimes can be quite immature. I am drawn to his loyalty towards his friends and the people whom he cared a lot. And I see past all his flaws. He is him and I accept everything about him despite it can be quite triggering sometimes.
He is very nice towards me but he gets very emotional at times. I am also an emotional person so it can be very challenging. We have argued before but a part of me is lowkey enjoying it. It shows that we actually cared for each other. We have established a great bond and mutual trust when it comes to work.
At times, I told myself to give up and move on. It’s better to stay as friends and maintain this good working relationship. But I am confused because the urge to risk it all and confess to him is getting stronger each day. Somehow I feel that I am not his type based on the girls / exes he has shown interest in. If I were to confess, am sure he will either upfront rejects me or leave me in a limbo because he fears of hurting me. Either ways, I know things will never be the same and we can never look at each other the same way again.
Recently I just found out that he has dated someone who is close to me but has since broke up a year ago. They didn’t disclose the relationship. When I worked back the timeline, I realised that this girl has been asking me many questions regarding him during the period when they were together and till this date she is still prompting me updates / gossips about him. I have a closer working relationship with him than she does. Like way closer. It’s like she’s trying to find out things about him or testing me. Idk. She tried to ship us together before but eventually told me we are not suitable and I deserve better. I am so confused over her motive, so I don’t share much with her anymore.
Anyways, I am still thinking if I should confess knowing the fact that I will definitely be rejected. I don’t have the courage to face him thereafter. Or should I just continue to hold onto this one-sided love and wait till the day I resigned to let him know? But what’s the point then? Not sure how long will that be as I don’t plan to leave my job yet and probably he is attached / married by then.