A girl shared how she had to comfort her boyfriend after she told him that she wanted him to please her, and he then started crying.
Here is the story
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months and until this week, it’s been great. He’s affectionate, fun, super attractive, makes me feel good about myself. It’s been by far the “easiest” dating experience I’ve had, meaning no insecurity about why he’s not answering or if he likes me or whatever, it’s just been secure and comfortable since the beginning.
Right before I met him, I started a heavy hormonal treatment that made my libido drop, so I was a bit nervous to see how it would be to date someone.
When my drive suddenly disappeared, it made me more aware of my own desires and I’ve come to a realization that in my relationship with men, I’ve always prioritized their pleasure over everything else.
intimacy has been really important to me as well, but I feel like I have some blockages when it comes to truly embodying my own needs and wants
Getting intimate with him, in the beginning, was actually really nice, but slowly it has started to feel off. He feels more and more focused on just his own pleasure. So, after he finishes, it stops.
I tried bringing this up for the first time around a week ago, in the most gentle way even though I was hurt and feeling vulnerable, but I didn’t feel heard. He even laughed “what are you doing?” when I tried to suggest I wanted to continue in some other form (than penetration).
Then the situation repeated the day after. He made a lackluster attempt on pleasuring me for some minutes after he came, before saying he got “tired”.
I replied that that’s why I feel hurt, because I feel like I need to ask him to be interested in me, while I do so much to make him feel good.
I said that climaxing has never been the “end goal” for me and that I don’t want to be intimate in that way, I’m more interested in exploring what feels good and each other’s bodies, so he shouldn’t feel any pressure on making me reach climax – I just want curiousness.
I tried to express my feelings in a non-harsh way, but during the conversation, he suddenly got really small and rolled up into a ball against my chest and looked like he was about to cry.
I ended up laying there and comforting him for an hour. I think I also needed comfort, but instead, I had to be the one who took care of him.
I also know now I should maybe have waited to say this until we were in a different setting since it’s a vulnerable topic, but I was hurt and frustrated.
And sad, because communication around this is so important to me and so far we’ve just been unable to do so. We’ve continued to be intimate every day since this and it’s improved a little bit but also not. I usually wake up to him wanting to get intimate and then it’s all about him.
I suspect somehow that his reaction was also the result of some sort of wound or trauma from the past and that’s why I want to tread carefully. I don’t know what to do, I want this to work out but it’s draining me because now I feel like I need to figure this out for the both of us and that’s not possible either.