non Finance, non loan, non property, non banking, non credit card, non car insurance,non trading, loans loaning, housing loan.

I decided to end my relationship with my 2 year bf. We had a healthy relationship. But I felt rly tired cus from the start, I’ve been guiding him on how to be a bf. And he always told me he doesn’t know how to be a bf (I’m his second gf) too.

So I guided, always initiated the talk when we had disagreements. At the end of that 2 years, I felt like I’ve changed him too much.

Whatever he is, was because I’ve taught him A B C on how to be a bf. He’s always the calm one, whereas I’m the one who was more vocal. He always tried to be better, and was there when I was at my lowest, but along the way I felt so tired of guiding that I felt I needed space to grow on my own. He initiated for a break instead but I was very sure I wanted out. So we ended on good terms and mentioned that we will get back when we’re both better. 

Then A came into my life, I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship but he asked me 4x to be his gf so I agreed out of pressure. Throughout, I kept thinking about my ex. It’s fucked up but I would text my ex and tell him I still think of him and nothing feels the same. I even told A I don’t feel that same love I felt when I was with my ex, felt as if I couldnt love someone anymore. Then A wld always question me about why I’d always bring him up, but it’s precisely because I’m not ready. A said he was ok with me moving on, but apparently he wasn’t because he got angry multiple times (and became verbally abusive, and sexually harassed me because ‘silent meant consent) when I shared with him about my struggles on moving on. I broke it off with A and A threatened suicide etc. I just left. 

Then, I felt free because I had the space to really move on from my ex. It’s now been 8 months since we’ve broken up. All along after the breakup, I would text him telling him about how much I missed him. I waited under his block so that I could speak to him once more, because I still wanted a platform to speak. But he didn’t want me anymore. He told me to move on, and he has already moved on. He said has no more feelings for me anymore.

And he hope I can find someone better. He said that he wants to focus on studying now (in culinary) at CIA to pursue his passion. Which I respected, and I’m even more thankful he came down for a talk (though forced to come down by his dad and sister) with me for a closure. His friend mentioned that he has an fwb now and doesn’t want a relationship. Also mentioned that he’s more disappointed than angry at me. 

When my ex used to reply me, he told me that at the start maybe there was a chance to rekindle things but now that 8 months have passed, his thoughts and feelings will stand firm. And he wished me the best.

My plans now: Continue to gym, work on myself, be a better person (what I’ve been doing since breaking up with him since my intention was that I wanted space to grow) while still silently hoping for a chance with him again in time to come. I’m really sure of him. Albeit only 2 years, I’ve grown in honesty and communication with him. Do you guys still think that in time to come, there will be a chance with him again? 

I know I screwed up, and I know I’ll get screwed for typing this. I’m ready, but really, is this possible? Thank you.