How do you deal with your friends not reciprocating the attention you give them? (Fair warning that this may sound childish to some, not to me. Also, long rant ahead).
I’ve had this friend for the last 7 years. We’re both each other’s closest friends. Ofc when we were studying, we were freer, we could meet up more, talk more, text more. Now that we’re working, both of us acknowledged that we might have to compromise a little to keep the friendship going. But over the last 6 months, I feel like I’ve been bending over backwards trying to keep this friendship going with close to 0 effort from her and it’s driving me up the wall.
For context, her parents have very strict rules for her and she has to follow them. So I’ve always been accommodating to whatever she wants to do and whenever she wants to meet. I’ve never questioned “Eh you so old already why these rules?”.
In the 7 years we’ve been friends, the only time we ever “”fought”” was 3 years ago when she kept cancelling on me to meet up even though she was the one who set the date and time every time she cancelled and rescheduled. I BLEW up at her (over text) and basically told her I can’t keep doing this. To which she did not reply and I apologized.
The next time we met, I broke the ice by being goofy and apologized and she said “Let’s just not talk about it”. This was the beginning of the next few years of me suppressing my unhappiness to avoid confrontation and awkwardness.
The last 6 months, however, it’s been really hard for me to suppress it. I’ve been there for her through all her life’s milestones, sadness and happiness. EVERY ONE. I cheered her on, I patted her on the back and I was the shoulder she could cry on.
Her reaction to my milestones? “Oooooo nice” I accept that I’m the more exaggerated reactor, but man… nice? I can teach a parrot to say that. I don’t need a friend to do that. In the last 4 months, if it has not been to rant about her own life, she has not initiated a single conversation/call. I didn’t notice it until this week when she never texted me back a proper response even when I initiated. The selective replying is also killing me.
Eg:
Me: Oh something really good happened at work today! I did…..
no reply
Me: How have you been? I hope all good?
Her: Yeah yeah all good.
It’s funny because she says it’s her busy period. But we work in the same profession so…. Her busy period is mine too. But I still make it a point to check up on her. 2 days ago, I texted her to get no reply back. Last night I sent her a meme (that I made cmon. It was funny af too cmon), to get no reply back. And she just texted me saying “Sorry, been busy” with no response to what I sent her. I wrote a whole ass “You know what I think is funny?” basic rant message which I erased because it’s her birthday in 5 days’ time and I don’t want it to be awkward then.
Am I being unreasonable to want a friend to be excited about me the same way I am about them? What do you do when the attention you give them is not reciprocated?