A girl shared that she is not sure if her boyfriend is becoming a gold digger.
Here is the story
I don’t know if my boyfriend is becoming a gold digger or if he just doesn’t love me anymore…. We have been dating for 11 months now. Both in our early 30s, working full-time and financially independent. For context our salary are in the same range (4-5k). However, our backgrounds are vastly different. He had a more frugal lifestyle while growing up. This did not matter to me at all as I very well knew that I was fully capable of supporting myself financially.
But recently I felt that he isn’t putting in as much effort as I am and it feels like he is becoming a gold digger. We planned to dine at a japanese restaurant for Vday, he knew I was looking forward to it. But he cancelled on me last minute and the reason was he had to console his friend who broke up the day before (guy friend).
That was when I realize, I am never his priority. He had to console his friend while abandoning his girlfriend on Valentines? I was angry and we had a fight. He ended the fight by saying he will make up to me on the 15th. So on 15th we had dinner and exchanged our Vday gifts. Now this is the part where I got really angry. Obviously on Vday there should be effort put in from both sides no? I bought him a shirt and necktie from a high-end brand.
But guess what he bought me? Just a few normal chocolates and 1 stalk of flower. Not saying he has to get me something expensive from a high-end brand too but at least show me that he had put in the effort to get a better gift, especially when he knew I will be getting something in the mid-range for him. We had agreed on a $100 budget each for our Vday gifts too! Plus it is also not the first time that this happened.
For Christmas last year I got him a Secret Lab chair (he kept hinting that he wanted it, saying things like “If only I can get a SL chair for Christmas”. He did not just say say only as afterwards he kept showing me the picture of the chair he wanted). 2 weeks before Christmas, he accidentally went into my inbox and saw the order confirmation mail so he already knew I bought the chair for him. In return he gave me a pair of Nike sneakers.
Often I would also buy food and desserts for his family when I went over. But when he comes over to my place, he never once bought anything, at most he only bought 2-3 packets of food when we had dinner on New Year’s Eve.
Yesterday, I confronted him about the differences of our spending for each other but he brushed it off by saying he was brought up to be frugal, cannot change one. When I asked him if I should lower the price of my gifts to him to match his, he said no he rather receive expensive gifts than cheap ones that he will not want or use.
I don’t know what to do, I still love him but it feels like he don’t bother to put in effort as he enjoys the feeling of just receiving and not giving. But it can’t be only one party giving in a relationship right. I also cannnot understand why is his friend more important than me on Vday. I don’t feel loved by him anymore. What should I do?