I have been reading stories about toxic parents, and parents who demand too much allowance. So I’m here to share my story. Just want to get this out of my chest.
Mother was divorced shortly after I was born. She then cohabited with a gambler who frequently molested my elder sister and me. We told her a few times that we were being molested, but the most she did was to tell the gambler that he must be careful in the way he touched us so that we won’t call it molest. Had to live in fear everyday for more than 10 years until they spilt. Then she got together with another guy and they got married, so legally he is my stepfather. But I am totally not close to him.
My relationship with my mother wasn’t good to begin with. Since young, I blamed her for not protecting me when I was molested for so many times. She was also very biased. She treated my sister much better than me. My elder sister always had new clothes and toys whereas I could only have hand-me-downs. I had to put up with her daily insults and she laid her hands on me even when I was in JC. She never scolded my sister before, no matter what my sister did. I had to do housework while my sister could slack at home the whole day. I could go on and on about the disparity in treatment.
Her attitude towards me slightly improved when I entered the workforce because I started to give her allowance. At first, I thought that I can finally have a loving mother and experience some family warmth. But I was wrong. After I got married and had kids, I told her that I could not give her as much allowance as before. Her attitude changed immediately. When I brought my kids over to visit her, she liked to criticise them just like how she insulted me when I was young. She has never bought any gifts for my kids. I dreaded bringing my kids over to her place because the vibe was always so negative and my kids were puzzled why their grandmother hated them so much. Then one day we had a big argument over money (she obviously wanted more money from me) and I decided that enough is enough. She is just seeing me as a money tree. Given how badly she treated me when I was young and how nasty she was to my kids, I felt that she does not deserve to receive another cent from me and I want to protect my kids from their toxic grandmother. So I cut off all contact with her.
In case you all are wondering whether she is acting this way because she didn’t have enough allowance, I can tell you no. She has stopped working for the past 20 years and her monthly allowance from my stepfather, my sister and me was $3000. She is just a housewife who cooks dinner 3 times a week, spends most of her time sleeping at home (or flirting with other men outside, behind my stepfather’s back). Yet she is getting $3000, more than the hawker centre cleaners who toil their back from morning till night. And she had the audacity to ask more money from me? It didn’t occur to her that she had been mentally and physically abusing me since I was young?
It was that big argument that made me realised that I really hated her to the core all these years. After I cut off contact with her, I dreamt of her occasionally (I never dreamt of her before). And in all my dreams, I was venting my anger on her. I was scolding her all the things I wanted to say to her face in real life. I even slapped her in my dreams. I would wake up feeling angry because the dreams felt so realistic, but also quite satisfied that I ‘got my revenge’.
I do feel that I am in a better place now. I don’t need such a toxic mother to ruin my life and my kids’ lives. I can have my own loving family, with me modeling what a good parent is to my kids.
Here are what netizens think:
- Relieved to know I’m not the only one with such dreams. Wishing all who exp similar things to be able to leave the bad things behind and move forward with better things
- Good for you , do what is right for yourself and your kids and your family! Keep it going look towards a better future. Good luck!
- If I were you, sever ties with her legally. She don’t treasure you. What a mother.