I met this girl, a year older than me, online from an app about a few months in mid-May, we texted every day and two weeks later, she wanted to meet me physically to which I agreed. But a few hours before our meet up, she told me that she went to meet another guy from the same app and hung out for a few hours. Initially, I was a little puzzled as to why she told me that. So after talking for a couple of hours, she told me that she liked me and to be honest, I’m not sure if that’s a red flag because we knew each other for a couple of weeks and I barely know her and she just straight up tells me she like me like ‘ok….’, of course, I didn’t really know how to respond and simply said, ‘I am interested in knowing you more’
So she shared freely with me her past that she did a lot of things, physical intimacy with her ex (She knew him for about 2 and a half years) and they broke up because he kept calling her derogatory names, him being super clingy and would blame her for everything that went wrong in their relationship. On the days we hang out, many times she would mention what she did with her ex and the things he liked and what not (Again, I was a little puzzled and confused as to why she kept sharing about her ex every time).
She would also make those ‘uwu/anime girl sounds’ which to me sounded quite annoying and irritating. She would get angry at me over the small things like just changing the time we meet or when I’m just like for 5 minutes, she would blame and criticize me that ‘I am someone who cannot keep track of time’ or another time where I was visiting my grandmother, I told her that I can’t attend this event with her, and she just flared up. It was just the small things she would hold grudges and resentment.
For our conversations every day, she would talk to me about her work (I’m still studying in my 2nd year so I can’t really relate much to it) and rant about her bad her work is and stuff, and I offered some of my suggestions and opinions that could possibly help her but what I got was more ranting. Initially, I was okay to hear about her rant for about a week or so but to hear about someone ranting every single day for the past two months, I felt quite uncomfortable about it. I would rather talk about something much more interesting and fruitful instead of hearing all this negative stuff every day just felt mentally draining from schoolwork. I really tried my best to help and support her during such periods but it just seems tougher by the week.
For a few moments, she would talk about our future together (Keep in mind that we only knew each other for two months) So one day, I decided to let her know that we should stay friends as I didn’t want to hype up this whole thing only to let her down eventually or keep any expectation that she had going up. Furthermore, I personally don’t think I’m ready for a relationship (which is probably what she was expecting) and I want to enjoy my singlehood for the time being. At first, she was upset and just gave me a cold shoulder reaction. Thinking back, I thought her being a year older than me, would garner somewhat a more mature response or understand the situation a lot better.
Eventually, after letting her know my stand that we can remain friends but going further would be up to anyone’s guess. Our conversation every day gradually became to a stop where she would make up small talk like ‘Oh look at what I’m eating’, ‘Look at this cat so funny haha’ every day, personally I’m not really good at small talk so I could only respond so much like ‘LOL HAHAHA LMAO’ and she just complained to my close friend that I’m ghosting her when the truth was that I’m not that interested in her but rather stick as friends and it feels like she’s pushing in the boundaries beyond my comfort zone.
Our conversation went like this:
Her: how are you doing?
Me: Doing alright having a ton of schoolwork and projects to submit, wbu?
Her: Nvrm I don’t care already
The whole thing just felt bizarre and weird and I tried to ask her what’s wrong but she didn’t really say much. Basically, she just felt like I’m ghosting her and ignoring her when the truth is that I’m just simply not that interested in her and just want to live my life. I suppose different wavelengths, different frequencies.
But the thing I have on my mind right now is that at times I feel like she’s having traits of her ex and just straight-up blaming me for the smallest things and hold some form of grudge to use it against me which I felt was abit toxic, and that she has quite a lot of unsolved emotional baggage on her end and that she’s just dumping onto me, am I in the wrong to tell her my boundaries?