I was just 17 years old when my life fell apart. It all started with my first boyfriend. He was my age, and we had been dating for a few months.
I thought he was the one, but I was wrong. He got me pregnant twice and I had to get abortions both times. It was a difficult and painful experience, but I thought it was all worth it for love.
My second boyfriend was 9 years older than me. I thought he would be more mature and responsible, but he ended up being just as bad as my first boyfriend. He was controlling and manipulative, and I couldn’t get away from him fast enough.
My third boyfriend was only 5 years older than me, but he was the worst of them all. He played me like a fool and left me feeling used and worthless.
I was so focused on my relationships that I neglected everything else in my life. I used to vape and smoke a lot, and it affected my studies. I did very badly for my O levels, only getting 39 points. It was a far cry from the 213 points I got for my PSLE. I was in Secondary 5 when I took my O levels, and everything went downhill from there.
I was a Chinese girl and I thought I was fairly good-looking, but it didn’t seem to matter. I thought that love would be the answer to everything, but it only brought me pain and misery. I couldn’t help but feel like my life was ruined. I felt like I had nothing left to live for.
I used to be such a hopeful and optimistic person, but after all that had happened to me, I couldn’t see the point in anything anymore. I felt like I was just a shell of my former self, and I didn’t know how to move on.
I couldn’t help but blame myself for everything that had happened. I thought maybe if I had made different choices, things would have turned out differently. But it was too late for that now. I was stuck in a cycle of regret and self-loathing, and I didn’t know how to break free from it.
I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had realized that love isn’t always enough, and that you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. But it’s too late for me now, and I’m left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life.