Am I too selfish to ask for the bare minumum in a relationship?
I’m in a relationship with this guy (not sure if I should still call it one) for 3 months. Of course at first it’s all sweet and everything and he definitely will put in a lot of effort but once he got the girl, the effort to keep the relationship going declines. He would start to go missing for hours without telling me where he went. And when I asked, he would avoid the question. I even double texted or triple texted everytime (after a few hours of him not responding to my texts). I understand that he may be busy with work but using 3 seconds to reply wouldn’t bite a skin off? I’m not someone who is irrational who expects 24/7 replies but at least to let me know that he’s safe.
That’s not only the root of the problem. He’s a conflict avoidant. Everytime when we quarreled, he will try to avoid whenever I try to talk things out. I just want to solve the problem, not to make things worse. When things had cooled down, I tried to discuss again but he would pretend that nothing had happened when I said I’m already OK from the situation and nothing is to be discussed about.
I was the only one initiating texts and outings every time. He would do that last time but now he doesn’t do it anymore until I initiated. To him, once weekly meet up is enough but to me, quality time is important. I’m tired of being the initiator and I no longer feel the importance of my presence in his life.
As someone (him) who has been in a few relationships, I expected him to be more mature and able to handle these situations better but unfortunately, he’s not. Recently, he asked to take a step back because he’s not ready for these problems and when I asked what does that mean, he never replied. I really wanted to make this work but at the same time, I don’t know whether I should hold on or break up.