My Strange Addiction..? Help..
Please don’t judge or be mean. I don’t know who else I can talk to about it. This is not meant to be a joke because I think there may be something wrong with me. I am seeing a therapist for something else entirely, but I don’t think I am ready to share this. I don’t know when it started or why.
Tried to do some deep thinking to find out the root cause of this, but to no avail. I’ve always been addicted to smelling my partner. Like specifically, when they’re extra sweaty and the beautiful scent of the perspiration after it dries up on their skin. The pungent the better. It leaves this sweet, natural aroma. My partner doesn’t know about this. I know people say it’s important to discuss what they like/dislike with their partners but I can’t. When I smell their scent, I just feel so close and so much love.
I’ve always had a thing for smell but never this extreme with my exes.
My partner is serving NS now and whenever he books out, I will tell him not to wash his Smart 4, trying to be sweet and helpful, offering to help him wash. But all I want is to secretly get a whiff of his sweat drenched uniform. I feel guilty and ashamed for this. I feel like I am lying to him just to fulfil my needs. I get secretly upset when he books out in cv because he doesn’t sweat as much when he is in uniform and the smell isn’t the same. I love it especially when he falls asleep without showering because he is too tired. He is also a deep sleeper and we both sleep naked. I will wait until he is asleep. Best if he is asleep with his pigu facing upwards. I would slowly creep up on him and gently spread the cheeks just to get a whiff of that fermented goodness. There’s always this sour smell that I absolutely love. I know many of you will think that it’s gross, but I feel like at that moment, we are truly connected. Sometimes when we get intimate and its my turn to, you know, service him orally.. I would sneakily try to get a whiff of his sweaty ballsack. It has this smell, similar to a swimming pool, chlorine-ish scent and I can’t get enough.
Don’t even get me started on his used underwear. Sometimes I dig through the washing machine just to smell it before starting it up and doing laundry. On a few occasions, he caught me in action and I have to come up with stupid excuses like, “Oh cos I don’t know if the clothes have been washed yet so I smell first”. I don’t know if he suspects a thing and I feel terrible hiding this from him and constantly needing to lie to him to get away with this.
What is wrong with me? How can something wrong feel so right? Is there any like-minded individuals like me or do I need to speak to my therapist about this?