Having good looks is a curse.
I know, npnt.
I’m being told that I’m pretty all my life. I’m blessed with height and am also slim built with an ample bosom. Tbh, I don’t see what others see in the mirror. I’m just me. I’m an introvert so I don’t open up easily unless I’ve spent time knowing a person. I don’t socialise a lot too. I always try to blend in but shit always seem to happen.
In pri and sec school I was bullied so much by other girls. When I reached the age when boys started to notice me, it got worse. I get prank calls from boys asking me to be their gf and their current gf would gang up with others to confront me and make my life hell. Once they even threw my school bag into the boys toilet, vandalized my desk, drew on my uniform. I was so afraid of going to school and couldn’t focus in class. I dreaded being approached by anyone especially boys who wanted to get to know me. It’s very uncomfortable when people keep staring at your chest instead of looking you in the eye when talking. I feel like a piece of meat. I mostly wear baggy clothes from then on.
When I thought those days were over, jc and uni aren’t better. I thought I made some friends only to overhear them telling others they just wanted to know what’s the fuss about me. Said I’m just some stupid flower pot plus other very mean and hurtful things about me. So basically they weren’t really my friends. I started to keep to myself even more.
I finally entered the workforce and unknowingly dated a married man for a few months. I ended the relationship when I found out. He didn’t wear a wedding ring so I assumed he’s single. How stupid of me. I’ve also dated a guy who actually have a gf and I only discovered it much later. I was so broken after that. Whenever someone tried to ask me out again I just said no. I thought of trying dating apps but I fear it’s worse.
All that talk about looks. Sometimes it’s a curse for some people you know? You wonder if the person is really interested in getting to know you or is just desire or lust.
I had a crush a guy recently and I think he noticed, he told me he finds me intimidating to be with. What does that even mean? How much of myself should I change to have a guy who is willing to look past my physical appearance and treat me like a normal person? I also want an authentic love with an authentic guy.
From a heart broken girl.