I’m short, ok? I’m very short and I’m sick of being short. But I can never change the fact that I’m short, however much I try. I’m frustrated, angry, self-loathing and depressed. Being short sucks.
I’m 151cm. I’m female. I’ve always been short. I was always the shortest kid in class, right up to uni. Always having to be the first to line up. I used to love playing sports. My favourite sport is basketball, and I was pretty good at it right up till everyone hit puberty and grew a head taller than me. I was always sitting on the sidelines watching my team play. I eventually quit the team because it was pretty obvious I’d never be selected to play another game.
Being short means you’re automatically “cute” but not the kind of “cute” you’re thinking of. It’s like saying a puppy is cute because it’s little. It becomes degrading after a while. I don’t want to be cute. I want more tattoos and my style is more grunge. I wanna look badass, not cute. When you’re short people automatically disregard you and don’t think much of you. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but first impressions matter. Looks matter. Humans are visual creatures. When everyone’s constantly looking down at me and talking down to me, often times I start to feel intimidated and the feeling of being a lesser person returns. It’s difficult to feel confident when you’re always looking up at a person that’s physically bigger than you and towering over you. I want to apply for more physical jobs, but people look at me and automatically think that I’m weak. They don’t take me seriously, especially if I’m the authority figure. I told my friend I want to join the army, she took one look at me and said “you’re so small you sure you can join army meh?”. I had to give up the dream because I’m afraid my height will be a limiting factor that’ll stop me from performing well. Maybe there’ll be things I can’t do in the army because I’m short. I probably can’t even fit into the uniform.
My parents tell me that I should stop whining and be thankful that I’m healthy. I know being short is technically not a disability but sometimes it starts to feel like a handicap. The world isn’t made for short people. I want to learn to ride a motorbike, but my feet won’t touch the floor on one. Same with most bicycles. I haven’t even gotten my liscence yet because I’m afraid that my feet won’t reach the pedals and that’ll be embarassing.
I gym regularly, and recently they had refreshed a lot of their equipment. It’s humiliating when I stand up and can’t reach the bar for the lat pulldown, or when the gym employee has to tell me that the seat on the bike won’t go down any lower and I’m too short to ride it. There are other exercises that are impossible for me because equipment like gym benches are a standard size. Buying clothing is a nightmare because everything’s too long. Cropped tops are like regular tops to me. I have to hunt for capri pants because they fit me like regular pants. Tailoring is a hassle and a cost I want to avoid. Clothes like leggings and polyester fabrics are also difficult to alter. I have tiny feet, and often can’t find my size. Furniture can also be a pain-literally. When I sit in my office chair my feet don’t touch the ground. My back hurts from bad posture as “ergonomic” chairs don’t work for me. Shopping can also get annoying when there’s stuff I can’t reach on the top rack. I know I can ask for help but it’s just humiliating.
I love the cinema, but often my view is obstructed unless I’m in the front few rows. I can’t see over a crowd. Before the pandemic I loved going to concerts, but had to pay extra for front row tickets. There’s no point in cheapening out on the tickets because I can’t see a thing over everyone else’s shoulders. I’m at armpit level to most guys, and it’s extremely unpleasant on crowded public transport. BO is real, and after a long work day I’ve encountered pretty unpleasant smells.
I’ve been single for 10 years, and it’s partly due to my height. Most guys will just be talking down to me. It’s awkward when he tries to leani in for a kiss and is just met with the top of my head. The height difference is really apparent too. Hand holding is difficult because it looks like a father holding hands with his daughter. Pictures look terrible. In group photos it looks really awkward, and I’ve been cropped out of the photo a few times.
I could go on but this is getting too long winded. I’ve looked up limb lengthening surgery but it still seems pretty experimental especially in Singapore, and I’m afraid of the side effects years down the road. It’s also expensive. Heels and platform shoes are painful, not my style and don’t increase my height by a noticeable amount. I also walk long distances often and it’s simply not practical. Some things can’t be fixed.
I just wanted to rant. Hopefully someone out there shares my pain and will be able to give me some tips. Be kind to your short friend guys.