I thought after I left hook up culture, found someone who was worth it, and got married I’d be happy but everyone is right. I’m all used up.
I started off on the wrong foot in life. Lost my virginity at 18 and just saw it as a mistake. In the 3 months after I lost my virginity I slept with about 20 people. I’d hookup, attempt relationships get crushed by other people who were just there to hook up.
Dated someone after that for a few months but then we broke up. Had a few more partners and FWBs after that few people I wanted to attempt relationships with but failed.
I just craved intercourse in a way alcoholics give in to alcoholism.
In a year period I slept with around 30ish people who I can barely remember. And during this period I had a friend who stood by and was a real g and after a while of looking at their actions I asked if they were like that because they were into me and they were like oh yeah actually. So then we started dating.
That was the first healthy relationship I had dating my best friend who I knew everything about. Ultimately I had my soulmate there next to me the entire time I was sleeping with other people. I ended up asking them to marry me and we did.
We’re a happy couple. But I don’t find myself craving intimacy like I used to. I don’t think I ever wanted it in a healthy way and in a healthy mindset I actually prefer it less but my partner sees me as used up at times and I can’t help but agree. A lot of people who don’t like hookup culture would agree and I think I do too.
I just feel wasted and over now. I feel like spoiled meat just shy of a month before my 21st birthday and it makes life shallow.