I think I may have deep rooted daddy issues. Not in a kinky way though, far from it.
Context
I feel like I am very fond of my coworker who is about 30 years older than I am. He is patient and funny and honestly I feel proud when he says I work well.
It is like, man, I wish he were my dad. Same with my boyfriends dad. I am fond of him too. I also view him as my own dad.
Now…it is not that my own dad is out of the picture. Honestly, most of the time he is nice to me. However, he has been an awful person to my mother at times, and during the last years of my childhood, I have always been in between them fighting. It was pretty physical and toxic and sometimes traumatising.
I also miss my dad though. He seems to have changed a lot and does not really try to interact with me and my mother as much anymore.
Though I do miss moments like when we used to game together when I was little, or when I used to just watch him play. Also used to hang out with me and my mother watching movies.
Nowadays he is more cold towards everyone and everything and I occasionally feel still sad/anxious/upset about some things he has done. Or still does..
But yeah thats it. Sometimes I feel weird about this, but I just admire gentle men who are reasonable and calm.
And I swear that I have not gotten a partner who is like daddy age before.