I am a university student living in the dorms right now and was recently invited by two of my longtime friends to move in with them into our own place closer to the end of the calendar year. I knew my parents, especially my mom, would be hesitant about the idea but I never expected how intense their reactions would be.
My parents both got angry with me when I first brought it up two days ago. They said they thought it was a terrible idea and that it would not be conducive to my studying to have to worry about paying rent, bills, etc, and that they do not think I could handle the pressure.
For candidness’s sake, I do have some mental health issues (anxiety and depression) and also have ADHD that has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past year and a half, which is why my parents are concerned. I finally feel like I’m coming out of that slump though and that I’m ready to grow. I have been taking medication for several months now and going to therapy for about two months, which I think has been helping me a lot.
Personally, I feel like having some responsibility for the first time would be a great experience for me and help me build myself up as a functioning adult— I think it would benefit my mental health and help me become more confident of myself and able to trust my own judgement without relying on my parents approval for everything I do. My parents think I’ll just be digging myself into a hole for no good reason by moving out.
Their other reasoning is that my 2 friends happen to be guys (both 20y/o also). I fully understand the concern with a young woman living with two men, however, they’ve been my friends for 6 years, going on 7 now, and have never disrespected me in any form or been anything but great friends to me along the way. I trust them and do not think they would harm me, let alone anybody. My mom is particularly upset about this aspect. She’s worried that they’re going to have random guys at the apartment who might hurt me. I tried to explain that our friend group was pretty closed off, and my friends’ friends are also my friends, but she didn’t believe me. My parents were also questioning the financial aspect of me moving out and wether I’d be able to support myself while going to school full time. To make rent, utilities, and other expenses, I calculated that I would need to work 30 hours a week, which is 4 days for me. Personally, I feel this is doable as I already like to work on the weekends, so I’d only be at work on two weekdays. They don’t seem to agree. When I offered an alternative, which is to pay my rent portion through my plan (university fund set up by my grandparents) they said I would be wasting money, even though the cost would be half that of living in the dorms like I am now.
However, the main issue seems to be this: both of my friends work full time instead of going to university. My mom thinks that living with them would throw me off my path and that they’d convince me to throw school by the wayside and drop out
I’m not sure what to choose. Do I move out? Do I stay? I’m so confused now and hurt by the whole situation. I didn’t know this would cause such a huge fight. My friends say I should prove my parents wrong and show them that I can handle moving out, and my therapist says she thinks becoming more independent from them would be a good step for me, but I’m scared it will destroy my relationship with my mom. Help!