I want to conceive my dying friend’s child. I (20f) know this sounds so freaking weird, and it probably is.
For context, we’ve been off and on with romance for about a year because he’s afraid of committing when he knows he doesn’t have long to live.
He (25m) has had cancer for years, and it was in remission. However, he now has a growth in his skull and is getting surgery soon and most likely will not make it through. I feel as though I haven’t had enough time with him.
We love each other very dearly, he reminds me of myself in so many ways, and he’s exactly the kind of person I’d want my child to be.
I suppose my thought process here is that he would live on through the child. We’ve discussed serious topics like this in the past, such as if he were to make it another year, we’d get married.
We both have a strong “screw it, let’s do it” mentality here, since we don’t have the right amount of time to deal with this.
The child would be a memento, solely as a way to remember him. I am also not suddenly deciding I want a child, I’ve been thinking about having one for around a year. I think I’ve just always wanted a future with him, and if we had a child I could live it out.
I know it’s messed up to have a child with someone knowing full well the kid will never know their father, and vice versa.
I don’t know why I keep having this thought. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.