My mum is emotionally abusive. When I was younger, she used to make sarcastic remarks whenever I look into the mirror. From then on, I never dared to look into the mirror and felt like I was really ugly.
I was fascinated when I started noticing that girls actually used or stared at the mirror in the toilet to doll themselves up. I felt ashamed whenever I look at myself in the mirror.
Now I just take a quick glance to ensure there’s no food stuck in my teeth.
When I showed her care and concern, such as asking what she wanted to eat, she will scream and shout at me outside. I felt so embarrassed.
I kept wondering what have I done. I started avoiding her and moved out. People around me, such as my previous boss, immediately said I should move back home and that I should be filial when I told him I’ve moved out.
She intentionally picks up fights at home, knocking on my door while I’m still asleep. She starts vacuum the floor when I am in virtual calls, or watches television really loudly when I’m focused on my work.
Wish there was someone to confide in. Inherently I want to be a filial daughter, help support her, take care of her. But the mental and emotional disturbance is too much, hence I moved out.
But in places such as Singapore, moving out seems to be a taboo or a big deal.
Married couples shouldn’t have children if they didn’t plan for one. I feel unwanted. I wish I wasn’t born. Please don’t have children if you don’t have the capacity to show love.
Here are what netizens think:
The only way to understand why she does these things is to learn about her life experiences and perhaps you’ll uncover some trauma that led her to behave this way.
This could well be a cry for help, or she’s trying to push everyone away in order to reinforce a negative perception she has about herself (that she doesn’t feel like she deserves love etc)
I feel that the best solution is to remove yourself from the negative environment and love from a distance to heal yourself first before trying to help her. I’m convinced she loves you the most and her psyche is probably trying to push you away in order to reinforce that negative message. Assure her and come back to herÂ
Ill-informed people like your boss/friends who played the filial piety guilt trip card aren’t any more helpful. These ancient values are good at teaching respect for elders but don’t address the underlying (mental/emotional) medical problem – When mishandled it can send you both into a spiral.
I hope you’re able to find strength to heal yourself first and then help her.