I have anxiety. I didn’t know I have been living with it until I was in my 20s. I’m now dating a really nice guy for the past 9 months but I realise my anxiety is causing him a lot of hurts.
I had a toxic 3-year relationship that really amplified my anxiety and I started going to therapy after we broke up.
I have always been overwhelmed by negative thoughts and in every situation, I would always think of the worst-case scenario so I can be one step ahead as I don’t want to be hurt.
Coming back to my current relationship, while he is nice he doesn’t understand the anxiety.
He finally told me he had enough as I would get overwhelmed and lash out during disagreements when I feel my feelings were invalidated. I would say the meanest things to push him away unintentionally or just say out my feelings which I don’t even know if it real or if it just my anxiety. And it has affected him a lot. I get anxious at a lot of things, such as forgetting an important matter it causes me a lot of stress and he said it stresses him out too.
Even with a year of therapy, anxiety is not something I can manage perfectly and it’s affecting my relationship. I have been reading, I know it’s not intentional and I know my anxiety will never go away.
I do know and realize I need a partner who can fully empathize with my condition, I tried to share my feelings with him, but he told me tried to bear with it and he told me he can’t stand it anymore.
Even when I’m single, having anxiety makes me feel unlovable and negative and unaccepted by society. Although I can put on a good mask for my day to day at work and my friends, whom I am extremely thankful for who assures me when I’m having an anxiety attack, I was able to feel better.
I don’t know if there’s someone out there who can fully accept my condition and support me in my journey or is everyone just going to be pushed away by me when my anxiety acts up.
I really don’t know and I wish I had a choice to not have this and I really have this thought that I’m too much of a burden for anyone.