At the age of 22 in 2020, my mum had depression, which prompted my dad to quit his job to take care of my mum. Since that year, I was silently forced into the only breadwinner of the family. While studying, I took on part-time jobs and internships while studying to save up for allowance, give my parents some money and save to pay for my tuition fees. It has been very tiring but I endured throughout. I did not tell friends about my situation and they thought I was just hardworking. By the end of Year 4, I have 4 internships including a long term part-time job that made my resume stood out. My sincerity and hard work landed me good testimonials written by my Managers from my first 2 internships.
Fast forward to Dec 2021, my last internship was a nightmare to me as my supervisor was very overbearing, I cried a lot silently and bearer her throughout. I cannot quit as it was a graded FYI. Towards the end of the 4th internship, there was finally light at the end of the tunnel. That was at least something I thought! I was thankful to have found a FT job shortly after I graduated from NUS. For the sake of money to provide a better living for my family, I accepted the FT job immediately. The pay was 3.5k (average pay for my degree). Little did I know it is just a beginning my nightmare.
My immediate supervisor micromanaged me a lot, scolded me a lot and didn’t give me face when scolding me in front of other colleagues. My reputation went down. The only good side is my reporting officer is very understanding in his words. Nevertheless he still side my immediate supervisor as she is a top-performer in the company. Throughout 1 year plus, I lost weight and dreaded work but I cannot quit for fear that my family income will hit 0 as the only breadwinner in the family.
Concurrently in Jun 2022, I met my first love through my childhood friend and we got together in Dec 2022. He was someone who I can turn to about family issues and has similar goals and values as me. Whenever I felt so tired from working and carrying family burden, I endure throughout the weekdays and weekends have always been my greatest pleasure to hang out with him. He was just like my best friend and a reliable partner. I treat his parents as if they are my parents. Whenever I have nice food, I would bring it over to their house to share.
Little did I know in Feb 2023, I realise he has been cheating on me all these while and worst of all, his family and that childhood friend who introduced me to him have known about it and had been hiding the issue from me. I have never felt so hurt in my heart. My world came crushing down. He apologised and and I forgave him. Then a few months down the road, I discovered him seeing another girl again. I blocked him and he came to my house to apologise to me. As I was kind-hearted, I choose to forgive him and let it slide. The last straws were:
(1) Caught a random bonquet of flower at his house. He cannot explain what the flowers are for and his mum has to jump in to “cover up” for him. EPIC fail!!
(2) He brought me to a friends’ gathering session and openly checked out other girls. Neither did he introduced me to the rest, I was left transparent there!!!
(3) Lying about his whereabouts, only to find out he was going on dates.
In Jun 2023, I mustered courage to totally cut off from him and walk away. It was never easy, he came back sometimes to check in and I just ignored him.
I was low key disappointed because when our mutual friends (from other clique) knew about the breakup, they sided him. They obviously did not know about his cheating affair and chose to side him. I felt that there was no point for myself to fight for my say since they don’t believe me.
Currently in Nov 2023 (25 years old, female), I decided to take my power back. Having minimal friends doesn’t matter, what matters is that I have my own back. What keeps me going is still my obligation to provide for my family. I am still learning, but I would never give up. I have been attending counselling session to cope with my feelings and situation. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
Thanks for listening.