For the ladies out there who have never been in a relationship or dating before, as a female myself (25 yo, NUS alumni), I want to share on some important notes before you start dating or a relationship.
1) Actions from guys are more important than words. Yes, a guy may claim he miss you, text you good morning, say will bring you you to xxx, say will do xxx. If they are just saying without any actions done CONSISTENTLY, then it is just plainly talking.
2) Please don’t accept a relationship just because you are afraid to be alone or already in the so called “typical age range to get married” or most of your friends are attached. Rather to be alone than to be in a relationship/marriage suffering!!
Side track: according to book I read, the most important things in life for a lady are:
A) Health
B) Own savings
C) Family and Females Besties (see guy is not in the list)
3) Watch out for his body language. If a guy CONSISTENTLY:
A) Keep his phone/phone screen away from you
B) Disallow you from using his phone
Explanation for A and B: he does that because he has something fishy to hide.
C) Never want to put your couple picture as his dp or post on social media or even discourage you to do so. Delete your couple photos on his phone.
Explanation for C: He considers himself to be in the “bachelor” market. Means he is still looking around for his partner or even scared of people seeing you two together.
D) Always talk about himself and rarely entertain you
Explanation for D: One sided. He only want companionship. There should be give and take.
E) Always online on WhatsApp/Telegram but take 10000 years to reply your messages
No need to explain you should know why.
F) Say “none of your business”.
This is a major red flag. In a relationship, you all are supposed to work and listen together, not one don’t care about the other.
G) Don’t know what he wants in a relationship. Even after months.
H) Flirting and Cheating. When someone flirted and cheated although he has you, it means that your relationship is not that strong enough to begin and typically he will not suddenly change his heart overnight. So please do yourself a favour to distance away from him. Why tolerate someone like that?
I) Always texting a lot of female friends. Go to female friends’ house alone and not with a group of people.
J) Not willing to fork out money for meals/trips on YOU. If a guy is cash stripped because of his family situation (eg. Take care of family/pay loan/debt), it is understandable. Otherwise, the typical guy will always have more than money to spend on you on meals. Imagine a guy having difficulties parting with his money at the dating stage/while in a relationship, and imagine if you were to have kids with him, he definitely want you to spilt/pay for the hospital bills and baby accessories expenses. Would you ever want that?
Side note: a typical guy will chat with more than one girl online/in person. Please keep your eyes open and don’t put 100% heart into the relationship unless you feel reciprocated. Otherwise you will get hurt.
4) I suggest ladies to watch videos from Stephanspeaks YouTube Channel (yes I am a fan of him). From his channel, I learned that a guy who truly wants to be with you would put 100% effort and his heart to be with you. He will be willing to spend money and time with you. No excuses. No mind games. You will be his priority other than his job.
Thanks for reading up to here. I have been in the above situations blindly until I woke up finally. It has been very heartbreaking for me since I put my 100% heart into it. I cried alot and felt depressed and I am recovering from it now. At least I am thankful for recognising it at the start of the relationship.